Archive for February, 2009

You Schmooze, You Lose!

Friday, February 27th, 2009

 “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” ~Jane Howard

When I ask clients what they don’t like about networking, I usually get one of three responses:

1)    “I feel awkward meeting new people.”
2)    “I don’t know how to introduce my business without sounding pushy.”
3)    “I’m just not good at ‘schmoozing.’ ”

It’s sad, really, because these are friendly, fascinating people who have a lot to offer and gain from developing new business relationships through networking, but they don’t always shine (or even show up!) because of these fears.

Much of the trouble is in the way people think about networking and go about networking. Effective networking isn’t about schmoozing, mingling, working the room, chasing leads, or clinching the deal. In fact, this approach has little effectiveness and a whole lot of “ick-ness.”

 

A more effective (and palatable) approach to networking is to authentically cultivate meaningful business relationships in comfortable environments for mutual benefit and long-term fulfillment.

Sounds nicer, doesn’t it? This kind of networking helps you overcome any resistance you have around meeting new people. It helps you consciously choosing organizations, events, and people that are a great “fit” and bring out your best. It also helps you develop networking strategies that feel more natural, so you can get “out there” with confidence.

Here are five basic principles to help you network more easily, more authentically, and with better results!

1.    Find the Perfect Fit – Align yourself with organizations, events, and people that really fit who you are, both professionally and personally. First get clear on your own values, goals, style, and personality, then create a list of criteria to help you recognize a good fit when you see it.

2.    Get Involved – Joining fewer groups and attending fewer events means you have more time and energy to get more involved in those “perfect fit” groups. Contributing your knowledge, experience, and talents to an organization through volunteering is a fast pass to meeting more people, raising your credibility, and accumulating referrals and opportunities more quickly.

3.    Plan and Prepare – There’s nothing worth doing that doesn’t benefit from planning and preparation. Yet how many times have you left for a networking event without the slightest idea whom you might meet, what you would say, or what you wanted to happen? Ideally, plan and prepare for networking events in four ways:
•    What events you decide to attend
•    How you want to think and feel about the event
•    What you’ll say during
•    What you’ll do afterwards

4.    Make the Connection – The preceding principles set the stage for authentic networking; the real work takes place at the event. That’s where the action is. It’s also where many people stumble. When facing an unfamiliar environment, encountering new people, and feeling uncertain about “how it will go,” it’s easy to forget your goals and careful planning. Here’s a process to help you get out of your head and into the moment:

Get centered. Take a deep breath, review your goals, and take time to get a “feel” for the room before diving in. Warm up with people you know, then reach out to meet new people.

Choose your first contact. Look for people who are open, friendly, appear to have something in common with you, or look more nervous than you feel!

Open the conversation. Start out light, neutral, and complimentary. Ask open-ended questions that draw the other person out. Be sure to share things about yourself, but shift the conversation back to them as much as you can.

Listen for commonalities. Listen for clues about things, people, or places you have in common. Finding commonalities is the foundation to building a friendship.

Build the connection. Explore those commonalities and build upon them. Aim to move from sharing clichés to facts to opinions to personal values, as appropriate. Also listen for ways you can help that person, and ways they can help you.

Create a next step. Failing to follow up is one of the biggest (and most common!) networking errors. If you like someone and want to progress the relationship to the next level, you have to take the initiative. Invite them for coffee, lunch, or another event. Suggest sending them an article you think they’d find interesting. Offer to introduce them to someone else who might help them professionally or personally.

5.    Take the Next Step – As you think about those languishing stacks of business cards on your desk, you know it takes intention, focus, and effort to follow up after a networking event. Regardless of how well you connected with someone, don’t assume that they will contact you. Instead, build blocks of follow-up time into your schedule before you go to an event. Then use that time to return calls, invite people to lunch, send them that article, or make that introduction.

By following these five principles, you take charge of your networking experience and control the outcome in a way that’s comfortable, natural, and even enjoyable!

Think about the different ways you network to build your business (or career or social circle). How can you apply these five principles to meet people and cultivate relationships more easily?

Connect the Dots

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

“A relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.” ~Woody Allen

Communication creates relationships. Leveraged communication is how you “connect the dots so a relationship has forward motion. Each interaction with someone has a purpose, is connected to a prior interaction, and links to a future one. Let’s look at how this works.

Where you’ve been. Say you want to meet one-on-one with a potential client. You’ve met them before in public, and now you want to learn more about them to see if they need your services. To secure an invitation and create a positive experience for both of you, first reflect on where you’ve been with this person:

What kind of relationship do I already have with this person? How do you know one another? What’s this person’s position of power relative to yours? Were previous encounters positive, negative, or neutral? Your answers dictate the formality, openness, and depth of your present interaction with this person.

What do I already know about what this person wants? To effectively leverage your communication, remember that your client’s reason for listening bears far more weight than your reason for speaking. So be sure you are well-versed in “what’s in it for them” so your message is meaningful to them, not just you.

What assumptions might they or I make that could impact understanding? Everything we experience is filtered through biochemistry and experience. So when communicating, the filters are always there. You can’t avoid them, but by taking your own biases (and theirs) into consideration, you can increase your message clarity and mitigate misunderstandings.

Where you are now. Given your history with this person, determine what you want this current interaction to be about. It might be about building rapport, gaining more information, promoting particular services, clearing up misunderstandings, negotiating your position, or securing a sale. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

What is my purpose for meeting with this person? Do you want to get to know them better? Help them get to know you better? Are you interested in sharing resources or collaborating on a project? Do you need to resolve a dispute or righting a wrong?

How do I want them to think, feel, and act? When we communicate, we have the potential to influence our audience in three ways. We can cause them to think differently; to feel differently; and to act differently. This influence happens whether we intend to or not, so it’s in your best interest to consciously choose that influence.

What is my ideal outcome? Do you want them to learn something about you? Be inspired or incensed about something? Do you want them to buy your service or product, introduce you to someone, write a letter, schedule a meeting? Focus on your communication goal, and you’re more likely to achieve it!

Where you’re going. Now it’s time to determine how your present encounter can lead to another interaction. Use these questions to determine the next step:

Where do I want the relationship to go? So you’ve had a meeting with this potential client, and it went well. Now what? Leverage your communication by connecting this interaction with a future one, while they are thinking about your message, feeling positive about it, and are poised to act—right now.

What’s the next best way to interact with them? How do you link this event to the next? It might be to schedule another meeting, invite them to an upcoming event, ask them to buy your services, or request a referral or introduction to someone else.

How will I let them know I want to interact again? This is the part that a lot of people trip up on. They express their wishes to continue the relationship ambiguously, subtly, or not at all. If you want someone to join your mailing list, ask them. If you’d like to schedule another meeting, ask them. If you want someone to hire you, ask them. They might say no, but the odds of them saying yes are obviously much higher than if you left them to their own devices.

The bottom line is: leveraging communication is within your control. When you are focused on where you’ve been with your audience, what you want out of a current interaction, and where you want it to go, people will respond to your confidence.

Combine this with being articulate, powerful, personal, ethical, and authentic, and you have mastered the art of communicating with APPEAL!

Think about an important upcoming meeting with someone. How will you leverage your communication with them to drive the relationship where you want it to go?
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