“I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh, Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.” ~as sung by The Animals
Email has been around long enough now that we take it as much for granted as the telephone. It’s simply another amazing technology tool we now take mostly for granted, allowing us to easily communicate with friends, family, clients, and colleagues across the planet (or in the next cubicle!). When you hear people complain about email, most likely it’s about the unmanageable demon that is their Inbox, and how much time email sucks out of their day.
What isn’t talked about nearly as much is the price we pay for using email to communicate with one another when we should really be picking up the phone or meeting in person. The price paid is misinterpretation, wasted time, reduced efficiency, and lost opportunities to build stronger relationships.
So I offer a RES-CUE strategy to help you determine when to use email to communicate your message effectively, and when you’re better off picking up the phone or “doing lunch.” RES stands for the three communication needs that are ideal for email. CUE represents the three needs that make voice (or face) the better choice.
IDEAL FOR EMAIL
Record. Do you need a record of your correspondence? It could be as simple as a date/time stamp, documenting when the exchange took place for personal, contractual, or legal purposes. It might be a record of an action item that you and your recipient want to reference later. Email can record meeting minutes, a policy or procedure, a set of instructions, or an involved description. Imagine trying to convey these things over the phone or in person. Sure, you can take handwritten notes, but email is such a quick and convenient way to create a digital trail. And of course email is a great way to send attached documents to people. Finally, an email can have historic value, documenting important milestones in your personal or professional life.
Efficiency. Do you need to get a message out to several people at once? It may be an announcement, an invitation, or simply to inform a group about something of interest. You might even want them to weigh in on a decision. What determines whether you need to do this in person, by telephone, or by email depends on how urgent, complex, or emotional the information is (more about this to come). The larger the group of people and the simpler the message, the more useful it is to send an email. Just beware of creating an unraveling email thread. To minimize this, state clearly in your original email who should respond, and how, so the email thread stays small and manageable for everyone.
Schedule. Email is great for communicating an upcoming event that you want someone to add to their schedule. It could be a meeting, an event, a trip itinerary, a task, even a chore or errand. Clearly state the what and when in the subject line, and flag the email for “follow-up” or “high priority” so it’s easy for the recipient to add the item to their calendar. If you’re a power email user, you might even set up an automatic reminder to help recipients “save the date.”
VOICE IS THE BETTER CHOICE
Complexity. Have you ever tried to explain something in an email, struggled through several versions, then gave up and just picked the phone to call the person instead? The more complex your message, the less effective your email. This is the test: if it’s easier to explain verbally than in writing, if you anticipate lots of questions in response, or you want detailed input from someone, pick up the phone or see the person. Don’t send an email.
Urgency. This should be self-evident. If a meeting that was originally scheduled for tomorrow is now convening in 10 minutes; if you have to leave right away to pick up a sick child from school; if there’s any kind of message that requires immediate action, email is not the way to go. Your recipient may be notorious for checking their emails every five minutes, but don’t assume that a) it will arrive in their inbox when you need it to and/or b) they’ll actually be at their computer when it arrives. Pick up the phone, leave a voicemail. You can follow up with an email as a backup. Just don’t make it your primary mode of communication.
Emotion. This is where many people trip up. Because you’re missing the vocal and visual cues essential to complete communication, email can easily be misinterpreted. Add emotions to the mix and things are bound to go awry. The most common ways that emotions confound email messages is in delivering bad news, using humor, or expressing anger. Delivering bad news by email is simply insensitive, as it offers the recipient no consolation or opportunity for clarification or input. Humor usually requires vocal inflection, facial expression, and timing to successfully pull it off without risking insult to someone.
And then there’s anger. Say someone sends you a snide email (or one that you interpret as snide). You immediately fire off a vitriolic reply, experiencing a rush of satisfaction as you hit the send button. Then what? More misinterpretation, more anger. And, to add insult to injury, you now have a record of the exchange so you both can revisit the angry exchange over and over. Great. The antidote? Pick up the phone. Even better, ask to schedule a meeting in person. This does three things. First, it buys you (and the other person) time to cool off, to invite your rational mind back to the helm. It also provides an opportunity to get more information so you don’t come to unnecessary conclusions. Finally, you both benefit from a more complete interchange, with vocal inflection and body language, and the opportunity to ask questions and receive answers in real time—before your imagination has time to run away with the situation.
So before you craft that next email message, run it through your RES-CUE filter. You’ll be surprised how many times you find that picking up the phone or scheduling a face-to-face is the better choice. Make this a consistent habit, and you’ll reap an unexpected reward – the fewer emails you send out, the fewer responses you’ll get, making your inbox a slightly more manageable demon.
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“There are some people who leave impressions not so lasting as the imprint of an oar upon the water.” ~Kate Chopin
When you’re introducing yourself at a business or social event, you undoubtedly want to make a great first impression. Unfortunately, in the process, many people end up either embossing rather than impressing, or they miss the mark completely. The key is to find that right balance. When your introduction is direct, compelling, and audience-focused, you get more of what you’re looking for – attention, interest, desire, and action. Here are some common introduction foibles, along with the fixes that help you leave a positive, lasting impression. Giving your competition more airtime than yourself. I once heard a small print shop owner introduce his business to a networking group. He said the name of his company, then compared all the ways his company wasn’t like Kinko’s. Trouble was, he said the word “Kinko’s” so many times it completely obliterated my memory of his company name (which he mentioned only once, by the way). If he wanted to effectively use the compare/contrast approach, better to have mentioned Kinko’s name once to highlight what the listener doesn’t want, then talk about his company’s differentiators, punctuating each point with his company’s name, repeating his name and business at the end. Offering a title without a focus. I’ve met dozens of realtors and insurance salespeople. With a few exceptions, I have little cause to differentiator one realtor or insurance salesperson from the next. Often they’ll give their title (“I’m a realtor”), then encourage me to refer them to clients. Why them? Why not someone else? The ones I remember, and refer, are those who clearly understand their ideal client’s unique needs, and who don’t try to be all things to all people. Patronizing your listeners. I often see this with people in technical businesses. “We make this X-39b1 analytical quantum digitizer software. It’s a little hard to understand for people who aren’t computer-savvy, but it’s really great!” If your audience can’t readily grasp your product or service, you may be talking to the wrong audience. If they are the right audience, focus on communicating the value in their terms – use stories or metaphors to educate and demonstrate your value in a way that makes them feels like the smart and informed consumers they are. Apologizing. For anything. I cringe when I hear business owners or job-seekers start their introduction with an apology. They might apologize for their apparel, their lack of preparedness, the fact that they didn’t bring samples, you name it. But apologizing only highlights something that most of your audience may not notice or care about, until you bring it to their attention. If your first impression is an admission that you fall short somehow, it’s harder to convince people that what you offer is first-rate.
Using clichés. “My product/service/expertise is cutting-edge.” “State-of-the-art.” “World-class.” “Best in the industry.” Is it? Really? Actually, a) it’s nearly impossible to substantiate any claim like this; and b) most people don’t care anyway. What they do care about is whether what you have to offer suits their particular need or challenge. If you want to differentiate yourself, avoid clichés like the plague. You only have so much of someone’s time and interest, so don’t squander it on recycled words when you can be original and compelling instead.
Describing features, not benefits. This is Marketing 101. Heck, this is Life 101. Every one of us walks around with a “What’s in it for me?” filter – it’s a survival strategy. Yet business owners and job-seekers forget this all the time. “Look what’s great about what I have to offer: it looks like A, sounds like B, does C, and costs D.” To which your listener silently (or not so silently) responds: “So what? Why should I care?” With a little research and rewriting, you can target your message to your listener’s exact needs: “My product/service looks like A so that you see W, sounds like B so you can hear X, does C so you don’t have to do Y, and costs D so you can save money for Z!” Offering too much detail. Closely related to the “feature creature” intro is the “detail deluge” intro. It’s tempting when you have someone’s attention to make the most of it, spilling out everything about yourself all at once. Trouble is, attention is a limited-time offer, so presenting high-level, attention-grabbing tidbits is key to getting more air time later. Ditch the laundry list, and use quick stories, examples, or analogies that readily demonstrate your value.
Not practicing and polishing. It’s apparent when someone has rehearsed their introduction. It’s even more apparent when they haven’t. Using notes, stopping and starting, interjecting lots of ums and ahs all contribute to an unwanted, unfavorable impression. You may be the most capable individual with a product or service your audience can’t live without, but if your speech fumbles and falters, they may assume your actions will fumble and falter as well. So take time to write out a script, practice it, eliminate unnecessary words and sounds, and test-drive it first on people you like and whose opinion you value. Leaving your personality at home. People make buying and hiring decisions both intellectually and emotionally. Yet I hear so many introductions that are completely devoid of the emotion that help listeners stay focused, seek information, and take action. So don’t be afraid to put a little personality into your introduction. Have a clever stand-out word or phrase as your sound signature. Wear a Hawaiian shirt in January. Make your audience smile, laugh, care about, and remember you.
So before the next time you get in front of a crowd to introduce yourself, test your message against each of these points. Do this now, and soon you’ll find yourself spending more time enrolling new clients and customers, and less time introducing yourself!
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You Schmooze, You Lose!
February 27th, 2009
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” ~Jane Howard
When I ask clients what they don’t like about networking, I usually get one of three responses:
1) “I feel awkward meeting new people.” 2) “I don’t know how to introduce my business without sounding pushy.” 3) “I’m just not good at ‘schmoozing.’ ”
It’s sad, really, because these are friendly, fascinating people who have a lot to offer and gain from developing new business relationships through networking, but they don’t always shine (or even show up!) because of these fears.
Much of the trouble is in the way people think about networking and go about networking. Effective networking isn’t about schmoozing, mingling, working the room, chasing leads, or clinching the deal. In fact, this approach has little effectiveness and a whole lot of “ick-ness.”
A more effective (and palatable) approach to networking is to authentically cultivate meaningful business relationships in comfortable environments for mutual benefit and long-term fulfillment.
Sounds nicer, doesn’t it? This kind of networking helps you overcome any resistance you have around meeting new people. It helps you consciously choosing organizations, events, and people that are a great “fit” and bring out your best. It also helps you develop networking strategies that feel more natural, so you can get “out there” with confidence.
Here are five basic principles to help you network more easily, more authentically, and with better results!
1. Find the Perfect Fit – Align yourself with organizations, events, and people that really fit who you are, both professionally and personally. First get clear on your own values, goals, style, and personality, then create a list of criteria to help you recognize a good fit when you see it.
2. Get Involved – Joining fewer groups and attending fewer events means you have more time and energy to get more involved in those “perfect fit” groups. Contributing your knowledge, experience, and talents to an organization through volunteering is a fast pass to meeting more people, raising your credibility, and accumulating referrals and opportunities more quickly.
3. Plan and Prepare – There’s nothing worth doing that doesn’t benefit from planning and preparation. Yet how many times have you left for a networking event without the slightest idea whom you might meet, what you would say, or what you wanted to happen? Ideally, plan and prepare for networking events in four ways:
• What events you decide to attend • How you want to think and feel about the event • What you’ll say during • What you’ll do afterwards
4. Make the Connection – The preceding principles set the stage for authentic networking; the real work takes place at the event. That’s where the action is. It’s also where many people stumble. When facing an unfamiliar environment, encountering new people, and feeling uncertain about “how it will go,” it’s easy to forget your goals and careful planning. Here’s a process to help you get out of your head and into the moment:
Get centered. Take a deep breath, review your goals, and take time to get a “feel” for the room before diving in. Warm up with people you know, then reach out to meet new people. Choose your first contact. Look for people who are open, friendly, appear to have something in common with you, or look more nervous than you feel!
Open the conversation. Start out light, neutral, and complimentary. Ask open-ended questions that draw the other person out. Be sure to share things about yourself, but shift the conversation back to them as much as you can.
Listen for commonalities. Listen for clues about things, people, or places you have in common. Finding commonalities is the foundation to building a friendship.
Build the connection. Explore those commonalities and build upon them. Aim to move from sharing clichés to facts to opinions to personal values, as appropriate. Also listen for ways you can help that person, and ways they can help you.
Create a next step. Failing to follow up is one of the biggest (and most common!) networking errors. If you like someone and want to progress the relationship to the next level, you have to take the initiative. Invite them for coffee, lunch, or another event. Suggest sending them an article you think they’d find interesting. Offer to introduce them to someone else who might help them professionally or personally.
5. Take the Next Step – As you think about those languishing stacks of business cards on your desk, you know it takes intention, focus, and effort to follow up after a networking event. Regardless of how well you connected with someone, don’t assume that they will contact you. Instead, build blocks of follow-up time into your schedule before you go to an event. Then use that time to return calls, invite people to lunch, send them that article, or make that introduction.
By following these five principles, you take charge of your networking experience and control the outcome in a way that’s comfortable, natural, and even enjoyable!
Think about the different ways you network to build your business (or career or social circle). How can you apply these five principles to meet people and cultivate relationships more easily?
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Connect the Dots
February 2nd, 2009
“A relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.” ~Woody Allen
Communication creates relationships. Leveraged communication is how you “connect the dots so a relationship has forward motion. Each interaction with someone has a purpose, is connected to a prior interaction, and links to a future one. Let’s look at how this works.
Where you’ve been. Say you want to meet one-on-one with a potential client. You’ve met them before in public, and now you want to learn more about them to see if they need your services. To secure an invitation and create a positive experience for both of you, first reflect on where you’ve been with this person: What kind of relationship do I already have with this person? How do you know one another? What’s this person’s position of power relative to yours? Were previous encounters positive, negative, or neutral? Your answers dictate the formality, openness, and depth of your present interaction with this person.
What do I already know about what this person wants? To effectively leverage your communication, remember that your client’s reason for listening bears far more weight than your reason for speaking. So be sure you are well-versed in “what’s in it for them” so your message is meaningful to them, not just you.
What assumptions might they or I make that could impact understanding? Everything we experience is filtered through biochemistry and experience. So when communicating, the filters are always there. You can’t avoid them, but by taking your own biases (and theirs) into consideration, you can increase your message clarity and mitigate misunderstandings. Where you are now. Given your history with this person, determine what you want this current interaction to be about. It might be about building rapport, gaining more information, promoting particular services, clearing up misunderstandings, negotiating your position, or securing a sale. Here are some questions to ask yourself: What is my purpose for meeting with this person? Do you want to get to know them better? Help them get to know you better? Are you interested in sharing resources or collaborating on a project? Do you need to resolve a dispute or righting a wrong?
How do I want them to think, feel, and act? When we communicate, we have the potential to influence our audience in three ways. We can cause them to think differently; to feel differently; and to act differently. This influence happens whether we intend to or not, so it’s in your best interest to consciously choose that influence. What is my ideal outcome? Do you want them to learn something about you? Be inspired or incensed about something? Do you want them to buy your service or product, introduce you to someone, write a letter, schedule a meeting? Focus on your communication goal, and you’re more likely to achieve it! Where you’re going. Now it’s time to determine how your present encounter can lead to another interaction. Use these questions to determine the next step:
Where do I want the relationship to go? So you’ve had a meeting with this potential client, and it went well. Now what? Leverage your communication by connecting this interaction with a future one, while they are thinking about your message, feeling positive about it, and are poised to act—right now.
What’s the next best way to interact with them? How do you link this event to the next? It might be to schedule another meeting, invite them to an upcoming event, ask them to buy your services, or request a referral or introduction to someone else. How will I let them know I want to interact again? This is the part that a lot of people trip up on. They express their wishes to continue the relationship ambiguously, subtly, or not at all. If you want someone to join your mailing list, ask them. If you’d like to schedule another meeting, ask them. If you want someone to hire you, ask them. They might say no, but the odds of them saying yes are obviously much higher than if you left them to their own devices.
The bottom line is: leveraging communication is within your control. When you are focused on where you’ve been with your audience, what you want out of a current interaction, and where you want it to go, people will respond to your confidence.
Combine this with being articulate, powerful, personal, ethical, and authentic, and you have mastered the art of communicating with APPEAL!
Think about an important upcoming meeting with someone. How will you leverage your communication with them to drive the relationship where you want it to go?
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You Gotta Be You!
January 6th, 2009
“Be yourself. No one can ever tell you you’re doing it wrong.” ~Anonymous
It seems strange to talk about being “authentic.” What could be more natural than being yourself? But it’s harder than you think. Who are you to your clients, your boss, your spouse or partner, your children, your friends, your banker? Are you the same way with all of them? Of course not. So how do you know you’re being your true self when communicating?
Even as you adapt your speaking and writing style to fit the relationship and the environment, there are some basic principles that help you show up authentically each time:
1. Use your own words. I’m amazed when clients ask if it’s OK to reprint someone else’s article in their newsletter. To which I respond: why promote someone else’s voice? No one can express things the same way you can. You are unique and will attract your ideal clients (or jobs or relationships) when you say things in your own words. While some people are naturally better communicators than others, far too many would-be writers and speakers have been thwarted early on by an overzealous teacher with a red pen.
To break through this, take a blank piece of paper and a pen (or a digital recorder) and just start putting down whatever’s on your mind! See and hear your own thoughts, without editing or judging, and you’ll be surprised that you know more (and sound better) than you think you do!
2. Let your personality shine. I once worked for an engineering and construction firm—a field not known for creativity and personal expression. Yet there I met some of the most vibrant, colorful, outspoken professionals imaginable. They were the people who got promoted, won the contracts, and shaped the culture. While the company employed thousands of competent and talented people, those who stood out were able to communicate their expertise in a memorable way.
So take a risk and be willing to let your personality, sense of humor, and unique experiences color your communication, and see how it changes your interactions for the better!
3. Be specific and clear. One of the hardest things about communicating is getting your meaning across clearly and succinctly. Some of this is skill, but a lot is letting go of words you think you should be using because it’s the norm, or your industry’s jargon, or it sounds good even if the meaning is vague. These habits are also a way to hide your personality. People hesitant to communicate authentically often resort to:
Passive language — “The task was completed to satisfaction” instead of “You did a great job!” Use words that directly connect to someone, person to person. Build this habit and you’ll find people responding more positively to you, and completing even more tasks to your satisfaction!
Avoiding the word “I” — Have you ever heard someone say something like “You know, when you’re trying to get to work on time but someone cuts you off and you get really mad and it ruins your whole day?” When what they really mean is, “Someone cut me off in traffic this morning and I’m in a bad mood!” Own your thoughts, own your experiences. After all, they’re the only things that are truly, uniquely yours.
Abstract concepts or generalities — It’s tempting to talk in generalities, especially when your message has emotional content. So a person might say “Sometimes relationships can be challenging when things aren’t communicated clearly,” instead of “I don’t understand what you want. Please tell me what you need.” Speaking or writing directly may not always be easy, but it will let people know where you stand, save you time, and spare everyone confusion.
4. Be a storyteller. Whether you’re imparting knowledge, motivating action, or simply entertaining, don’t underestimate the power of the story, particularly if it’s your own. Use examples, case studies, anecdotes, cautionary tales. Stories help you build rapport, make your points easier to remember, and create an emotional connection with your audience that inspires them to action. 5. Show all your sides. Take a risk and be a bit vulnerable with your audience. People may admire heroes, but they genuinely like people who come across as human. This doesn’t mean you have to admit every mistake or air your dirty laundry, but appropriately sharing challenges and lessons learned; using self-deprecating humor, and relating emotions and beliefs help your listeners and readers connect with you.
So the next time you sit down to write, get up and talk, or just stand around chatting with someone, think to yourself: How do I want to come across? Do my words reflect who I really am? I challenge you to take a risk and put more of yourself in your message, and notice how people become more into you!
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Building Your Message on Solid Ground November 19th, 2008
“We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.” ~ Abigail Adams
Why is it that you are instantly comfortable with some people you meet, while others you thoroughly distrust? We each have an innate ethic-o-meter that tells us whether someone’s words, body language, and actions all line up.
Sadly, some “radars” aren’t turned up as high as others, leaving them vulnerable to messages of questionable intent.
Ultimately, we all want to be liked and trusted, and being ethical when you communicate fosters warmth and believability with your audience. This includes:
• Making sure your actions are in agreement with what you say • Always telling the truth as you know it • Being consistent in who you are and what you say over time • Respecting other people’s viewpoints and opinions.
What You Say is What They Get
The most heinous scandals often involve people who behave in a way that contradicts what they stand for. Religious leaders having adulterous affairs; elected officials misappropriating campaign funds; world-class athletes fixing competitions. In fact, the more visible a person is, the louder the public outcry when their behavior belies their words.
But being true to your word is important at any level of fame or fortune. It is the foundation of trust in all your relationships, and broken trust is so very to earn back. So ask yourself:
• Is what I’m saying consistent with what I truly believe? • If I tell people I will do something, am I confident I will keep my word? • When no one’s watching, do I actually do the things I tell people I do?
If your words don’t “ring true” to you, neither will they to your audience. Either rethink your message, or revisit the commitment behind your words.
Honesty Really is the Best Policy
Closely related to alignment is honesty. Not being fully truthful takes away your audience’s ability to make well-informed decisions. Not that you would ever out-and-out lie to your listeners or readers, but there are subtle ways of being dishonest that affect your credibility, such as:
• Saying something because it sounds good even if you don’t totally buy into your message • Omitting or distorting information because you’re afraid people won’t like what you have to say • Misleading your audience with statistics, credentials, or emotions to look good or accomplish personal goals.
Well intended or not, being dishonest dilutes your effectiveness because the truth will eventually come out – in your body language, by someone else ‘catching’ you; or through inconsistencies in your message.
Don’t Be a Chameleon
Being able to predict human behavior helps people feel safe. So when people hear inconsistencies in someone’s words, an inner alarm goes off. Think about politicians who switch positions on an issue during a campaign, and how public distrust reflects in the polls. Your message may become inconsistent if you:
• are not sure what your message really is • are trying to please everyone all the time • change your basic message to suit different groups • don’t really buy into your position in the first place.
It’s best to choose your position and the ideal target audience who benefits most from what you have to say. This doesn’t mean that your message won’t evolve over time. What remains the same, however, are your own core values and the alignment between your actions and your words.
I’m OK, You’re OK
Finally, being ethical means accepting that not everyone thinks like you do. Speaking your truth even when others disagree isn’t easy to do, but it does garner respect and trust from your audience. This also means avoiding bigotry or ethnic slurs; insults and slander; unsolicited judgment or criticism; and sarcasm or teasing that belittles or shames another person. You are a powerful communicator when you stay true to your own course, letting others’ opinions and emotions be about their “stuff,” not yours.
So think about a message you’re working on right now. Check in that your actions align with your words; that you are telling the truth to yourself and others; that it’s consistent with earlier messages; and that your message respects those who receive it. When you build your message on a solid ethical foundation, you give your voice unshakable power and appeal!
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The Wizard of Mir-Oz
October 29th, 2008
Starting your own business is to take an unforgettable journey to the Land of Mir-Oz.
Many new entrepreneurs will point to a turbulent event or period in their life – a tornado if you will – that precipitated their decision to go out on their own. That tornado could be a job layoff, an illness, a divorce, children moving out of the house, or simply the undeniable calling to purpose that can be ignored no longer.
Sound familiar?
The swirling turmoil of that tornado kicks up the dust of your black and white world, until the critical decision point lands you – THUMP! – in the middle of a brand new Technicolor world of your own making.
You emerge, blinking and bewildered, into Munchkinland for the Self-Employed, wondering at the newness, the color, the bright details all around you. You mean I don’t have to startle awake to an alarm clock every morning? I can trade in the suits for sweats? I can go out for a grande extra hot half-caff caramel macchiato whenever I want to??
Your journey begins with much pomp and circumstance, as the people around you rejoice in your initiative and worship your bravery, even as you protest that it’s “no big deal.” You look back with a small shudder at the remnants of your old life, crushed under the weight of your bold decision. Then, smiling, you grab your modest basket and furry traveling companion and skip forward toward the Land of Mir-Oz. You’re told that the yellow brick road is the path that will lead you to that Mecca of Success.
But you barely get going when you suddenly meet your nemesis, as surprising and frightening as any fairy tale witch: Your Own Self-Doubt. What was I thinking? Can I really do this? What if I lose my way and don’t make it? That Witch is green and ugly and throws balls of fire! Then, just like that, she is gone again. With a lump in your throat, you renew your resolve, gainfully pick up your basket and little dog and continue down the golden path.
Along the way you pick up “quests” to keep you company on your journey. The first is a search for Brains – the skills, knowledge, and tools to make it to Mir-Oz. You subscribe to guru newsletters; you buy “how to get a gazillion clients” audio programs; you take courses on selling and marketing and networking and what have you to help you find the path, to feel more confident that you’re going the right way.
You also pick up the search for a Heart – the ability to consistently tap into your passion and enthusiasm for your work and for your clients, even when the way is dark and forested. Over and over you go inward, searching for confirmation that you are on the right track, serving the right people, doing the right thing. And you are so often unsure of the answers. But then a friend’s kind word or a client’s inspiring testimonial reminds you why you love what you do, and you hear the faint beating of that heart, warming you and urging you forward.
And then comes the quest for Courage. Far away from your adoring fans in Munchkinland, you start feeling very small and insignificant. You compare yourself (always unfavorably) to the few who have made it “big”; you feel queasy thinking about the legions of business owners who have tried and failed; you feel unworthy to face the Wizard of Mir-Oz who is already all-powerful and all-successful. Who am I to think I can build a lucrative business? Do I really have what it takes to make it all the way to Mir-Oz? Even bleak, dusty “Kansas” starts to look good, especially when the Wicked Witch of Self-Doubt makes a sudden guest appearance. (I’ll get you, my Pretty! And your little dog too!)
And still you move on down that yellow brick road. Things start to get easier, the road opens up, and – Hurray! – you see Mir-Oz on the horizon. At this point, however, you may become lulled into opiate complacency by a string of clients; or rusted in place with residual ambivalence and fear. But the Emerald City still awaits, that land of green and shimmering beauty where you will soon arrive and be granted all the brains, heart, and courage you need to make your business flourish.
The Land of Mir-Oz is now in front of you, heralding a new level of success in your business. You become recognized, clients show up by referral, your appearance is sought after, and you are primped and courted by admirers – in short, you truly feel you have arrived.
Yet imagine your surprise when the door to Success doesn’t open to you automatically! You may be granted audience with the Great and Powerful Mir-Oz of Success, but he commands you to face the Wicked Witch of Self-Doubt head on in an epic battle, flying monkeys and all. You tremble and waver, yet stubbornly commit to melting Self-Doubt once and for all, setting yourself and your business free to succeed, with victory waiting for you back in Mir-Oz.
With all you have gathered along your journey, you face the Witch and learn that, as scary as she seems, she is actually quite vulnerable, easily destroyed by a single act of bravery (and a bucket of water). You return triumphant, broomstick in hand, ready for the great Mir-Oz to hand you your glory. But wait! What?? There is no Mir-Oz of Success? Nope, just a Mir-age. The Great and Powerful Wizard turns out to be just another human being, much like you, except he found his way to Mir-Oz more by adventure and accident than hard work and persistence. And he feels like a humbug because of it.
But, in the end, he grants you the greatest gift of all – the knowledge that you already have the Brains, the Heart, and the Courage to succeed as a business owner. These things were with you and in you all along. They are what accompanied you down the yellow brick road, what comforted you through the dark forest, and what helped you fight the Wicked Witch of Self-Doubt to her death.
So now, instead of waking up from this dream and finding yourself back in Kansas, you realize that your true home is on the Yellow Brick Road. That it leads far beyond the Land of Mir-Oz, taking you to new adventures and higher levels of success. And that you have everything you need to continue your journey where it takes you to build the business of your dreams.
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Let's Get Personal
October 17th, 2008
“When words & manners leave you no space for yourself make very personal very clear & your obstructions will join you or disappear.” ~ Ntozake Shange
There are two basic parts to all communication: 1) content and 2) relationship. What this means is every single thing you say or write has the power to both inform and affect your relationship with the recipient. Expert speakers and writers are keenly aware of this and use it to their benefit. To communicate with appeal, you must create a personal connection with your audience. There are several ways to do this:
- Build common ground - Give them what they want - Be a real person - Continue the relationship
BUILD COMMON GROUND
A basic tenet of psychology is that we like people who are like us. Think about a conversation you’ve had with someone you just met. What were you doing beneath the small talk? Discovering things you have in common. Recall your delight when you found out you both grew up in the same city, or that your kids go to the same school. Sharing common experiences helps us predict a person’s values, thoughts, and behavior, making it safe to get closer to them.
The back-and-forth nature of conversation makes it relatively easy to build common ground. But if you’re giving a speech or writing an article, you may need to do some research first to determine what you have in common with your readers or listeners. Look for elements such as geography, education, training, skills, abilities, organizations, relationships or specialized language (jargon). Take care, however, to never misrepresent yourself or your affiliations merely to “get in good” with your audience.
And don’t forget about non-verbal communication. Apparel, appearance, and actions all point to whether or not you’re a member of your audience’s “club.” Matching your style and energy to your audience helps emphasize your similarities rather than your differences.
GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT
Face it, it’s all about me. And, it’s all about you. We are each the center of our own universe; for your message to reach someone you have to take that into consideration. You may have specific goals for speaking or writing, but remember that your audience has their own goals for listening to or reading your words. So make sure your message addresses what they need. Do they want information, inspiration, or entertainment? The more closely your goals match theirs, the easier it is to capture their attention. Even when your agenda is different from theirs or the news is bad, keep their interests in mind (How will this affect me? What do I do now?) and they will be more open to yours.
BE A REAL PERSON
Just like Geppetto, who long dreamed that his Pinnochio would someday become a real boy, your audience wants you to be a real person, not a wooden doll. You can be the premier expert in your field, but if people can’t connect with you as a human being, you will eventually lose them.
It’s easy to get caught up in trying to impress people and look good – but so often the more you try the less you succeed! The antidote? Be yourself. Share your stories. Express your feelings. I used to work for a technical services firm, and even in the driest sales presentations, clients were most impressed by engineers who smiled and were genuinely excited about the work they did.
CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP
Relationships are built over time. Yet so often a person will write one article and wait for clients to call, give a single presentation and look for the contract, or send out a resumé and expect a job offer! It takes time for people to know you, like you, and trust you, so the most effective communicators make sure they interact with their audiences again and again. Schedule a follow-up meeting at the end of a sales presentation; raffle off a free consultation after an association talk; invite people to subscribe to your newsletter at a networking event; include your Website, email and/or phone number in your article byline.
So next time you speak, write, or mix and mingle—focus on building common ground, incorporating your audience’s goals, putting yourself into your message, and creating a way to continue the relationship. That old saying “Familiarity breeds contempt” doesn’t apply at all in effective communication. Rather, familiarity breeds comfort and eagerness to communicate with you again!
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The Road to Wisdom by Piet Hein
October 16th, 2008
The road to wisdom? Well, it’s plain And simple to express: Err and err and err again, but less and less and less.
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Communicating with Power
October 2nd, 2008
“Remember that what pulls the strings is the force hidden within; there lies the power to persuade, there the life — there, if one must speak out, the real man.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
Power is a loaded word, conjuring up positive and negative images for people. Good or bad, power is a critical component of communicating with A.P.P.E.A.L. It’s what captures and holds people’s attention, and spurs them into action.
There are three elements that powerful communicators share:
-Knowledge of their subject -Belief in their message -Energy in their delivery
Whether you’re writing, speaking, or conversing, your communication is powerful when these things are present and working together. Let’s look at each in detail.
You Gotta Start Somewhere
Having knowledge is a clear prerequisite for communicating powerfully. But keep two things in mind. First, you don’t have to know everything to claim you know something. My clients trip up on this all the time. “What if I don’t know enough?” “What if people find out I’m not an expert?” Not only is it impossible to know everything, there’s really no objective measure that definitively says “You now have Knowledge. Ta-da!”
So start where you are and build on it. Don’t avoid giving a talk, writing an article, networking, or joining an interest group because you’re afraid you don’t know enough. You’ll often find when you share your knowledge of a topic, people know less about it than you think!
Second, don’t be afraid to not know. I’ve never heard anyone get boo’ed off a stage because they answered a question with “I don’t know.” True knowledge is built by following up that “I don’t know” with “I’ll find out and get back to you.” The most knowledgeable people know where to find information quickly. Fortunately, the Internet makes us all more knowledgeable by this definition!
If You Believe It, They’ll Believe You
Powerful communicators not only know what they are talking about, they also believe in their own words. What made Martin Luther King, Jr. a powerful communicator was that he really did have a dream, one that permeated his whole being. If you have the emotional conviction behind what you say or write, people feel the power.
Unfortunately, belief is hard to drum up if it’s not there to begin with. Choosing a topic, a livelihood, or a relationship you believe in makes talking or writing about it much easier! Ask anyone who started a business to uphold family tradition; chose a career because it made lots of money; or proposed to someone because it “made sense.” Communicating without belief often leaves us drained, powerless.
So check in with yourself before you start talking or typing. Do you believe in your subject? Is it consistent with your values? Do you really care about what you’re saying? The more aligned your words are with who you are, the more impact those words will have on others.
Turn Up the Juice
So you know something about your topic and you believe in it. Now it’s time to breathe life into your words. When writing, select language that is creative, descriptive, alive. Make use of examples, stories and analogies whenever possible. Face it, as readers we want to be enthralled. So know who your audience is and write to hold their attention.
When speaking, do all this and more. Use your voice as a tool to create excitement, significance, even tension. Vary your pace, change your vocal tone, use pauses for effect. If all this sounds daunting, try this exercise. Before giving a talk, practice it as if you were telling a children’s bedtime story. Really exaggerate, noticing how you emphasize particular words, change your pitch, and pause in certain places. Now rehearse it again in your normal voice, remembering your bedtime version. Consider recording before and after this exercise so you can hear the difference.
Pump Up the Power
Naturally, all this takes preparation and practice, but if it’s worth communicating, it’s worth communicating well. Try it for yourself next time you have to write or speak with power. Review and own what you know about the topic. Ensure that you believe in your own words. Communicate what you know with energy and enthusiasm. You’ll soon find people listening more intently, and treating you with the respect you’ve earned as a powerful communicator!
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Accumlating Your Message September 12th, 2008
“Whatever we well understand we express clearly, and words flow with ease.” ~ Nicholas Boileau
I was surprised to find that there are 19 definitions for the word “articulate.” Some of them don’t have anything to do with words (such as the articulated segments of a worm). There were two definitions, however, that help clarify what it means to be articulate:
1. using language easily and fluently; having facility with words: an articulate speaker.
2. expressed, formulated, or presented with clarity and effectiveness: an articulate thought.
The first speaks to what you might think about being articulate — that it’s an innate gift or talent. While it’s true that certain people have a natural facility with words, the second definition has more universal appeal. You may not feel you naturally use language “easily and fluently,” but if you work to present your thoughts with clarity and effectiveness, you’ll be amazed how articulate you become, without adding a single word to your vocabulary!
To increase your clarity and effectiveness, consider these three things:
The motive. What’s your purpose for speaking or writing? Do you want to educate, motivate, entertain, build rapport? There are two components to communication — content (what’s being said), and relationship (how you connect). When you’re clear on what information you want to impart, and how you want that information to impact your relationship with the receiver, you can find the best words to meet both objectives.
The audience. Understanding who you’re communicating to, whether it’s one person or a thousand, helps you choose the right topic, words, tone, and delivery method for your audience to fully receive that message. What’s your current relationship to them? What benefit do you both get from the interaction? What perspective or background do they have that affects their ability to understand you?
The takeaway. Knowing what you want (and don’t want) your receivers to take away from your message impacts what you say and write. Do you want people to see something in a different way, feel something new, or take some action?
This seems like a lot to think about just to pick up the phone and say hi to Aunt Martha, doesn’t it? Certainly the amount of time you spend preparing your message should match the importance of the outcome. But I’ve known people who spend the same amount of time preparing for a staff meeting as they do when calling Aunt Martha. And they often get similar results!
Although some people are naturally good with words, don’t underestimate the value of practice. After all, gifted musicians still spend hours a day at their craft! While you don’t have to spend hours practicing articulation, honing the following skills will greatly improve your verbal and written impact: Be simple and concise. Use as few words as you can get away with and still get your message across. The truth is, people can take in only so much information. While it takes discipline, the more concise you can be, the more impact you’ll have. Consciously listen and read. Paying close attention to what other people say and write can be illuminating. Put on your analytical hat the next time you listen to a candidate’s speech or read a news article. What’s your reaction to their words? Do they get to the point or just ramble? Do you believe their message? Do you feel they care about what you think? Use your own experience as a listener or reader to inform how you communicate with others.
Be authentic. You will always be more articulate about what you know and love than what you don’t. Trying to speak or write about something you don’t know or care about can lead to stilted, uncomfortable language that leaves your audience bewildered, unaffected, or worse. So tap into your own knowledge and enthusiasm and let the words flow (concisely)!
Cross-test your message. It’s a good idea to test the clarify of your message, particularly in your business, by writing down what you’re going to say or saying out loud what you’ve written. Often my clients will draft a networking introduction that “sounds” good on paper, but is an unholy mouthful to say. So to say something important, write it down first to clarify your thoughts. Or write an article then read it out loud and listen for the tone, style, and fluency. If it’s easy to listen to, it’s likely easy to read.
So now you know that being articulate isn’t merely a mystical gift bestowed on a lucky few. With awareness and practice, you can improve your “clarity and effectiveness” in everything you say and write. Try these ideas over the next week, and notice the difference in how people respond to you!
