As I write this, little trick-or-treaters all over are dressing up as witches, ghosts, cowboys, and princesses, eager to impress their neighbors and ask for treats. It’s fun to dress up, try on a different personality, and show up as somebody else once a year.

But sadly, many of us go “trick-or-treating” every day. We cover up our true selves with a mask, become what we think others might want or need from us, and hope that what we’ve come up with is acceptable, likeable, and worthy of praise.

Pretty good trick if you can pull it off. And most of us can, at least for a while. Some do what others tell them to do, others act happy when they’re really not, still others pretend to enjoy activities that others do in order to fit in.

Obviously all these things are necessary from time to time: they help us stay married, keep our jobs, and maintain our friendships. But the danger lies in consistently compromising what we think, say, or do because we’re afraid people won’t understand, like, or approve of us. We don’t often realize the price we pay for not being authentically ourselves:

• Trying to be someone or do something that goes against our real nature generates physical and mental stress
• We wind up “relating” to people who seem like us, and miss out on meaningful connections with those who are like us
• Other people are in control of our happiness and self-respect
• We start to believe the façade we’ve put on, and lose out on the joy of expressing our unique talents and personality.

Sometimes being someone we’re not becomes a lifelong habit. It takes awareness, courage, and diligence to doff the mask and show the world who we really are. But how do we know who we really are? What do we look like without the mask on? Here are a few indicators:

1. We tell the truth about what we think, feel, and believe–while still respecting others’ thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
2. We set clear boundaries for ourselves defining what we are willing and not willing to do for (or with) others, and communicate those boundaries.
3. We take ownership of our own feelings, without laying blame on someone else for making us feel that way.
4. We recognize what’s special about being us, and find ways to express that as often as possible.
5. We seek out and nurture the company of people who make us feel good about ourselves, who encourage us, who bring out our best.
6. We learn to recognize what makes us feel alive and full of passion, and bring more of those things into our life.

Conversely, if we listen carefully, our bodies and emotions tell us when things are out of alignment. It might be an uncomfortable feeling in our stomach, a hesitation in our voice, an unexplained sadness, or a sense of detachment from our own lives.

The good news is, if we consciously focus on feeling alive and tapping into our genuine selves, we attract more people like us, and create more meaningful and joyful experiences. That doesn’t mean that life gets any easier or that all stress suddenly evaporates. What it does mean is that some unnecessary stress goes away when we show up in our own life without pretending to be or have or do something we’re not.

So, take a first step. Get up tomorrow morning and consciously notice those times when your thoughts, words, or actions don’t exactly align with what you feel inside. Also notice when you’re really enjoying yourself, being productive, and “in the flow,” seemingly without effort. The latter points to the genuine you, and with time and practice you’ll find that the only way you’ll want to be is without a mask.

Except once a year. On Halloween.