I’m skeptical when someone claims to be fearless–after all, it’s an integral part of being human. If we understand that fear’s true (albeit sometimes misguided) purpose is to keep us safe, we can actually use it to our advantage.

Unfortunately, it seems that instead of being taught to manage fear, we’re almost encouraged to operate from it–by our parents (with punishment), our teachers (with bad grades), our employers (with termination), government (with loss of freedom), the media (with crime and natural disasters), and the list goes on.

Fear can hijack your life by:

• dampening your motivation to grow or improve your situation
• jeopardizing personal and professional relationships
• making you hesitant to accept help
• forcing you to make excuses for your words and actions
• locking you into negative thought patterns and self-destructive behaviors
• imprisoning you in a dead-end job, a bad marriage, even your own home.

However, I believe we can learn to choose how we experience fear, and in doing so open ourselves up to a whole new set of options. When you get right down to it, our emotions are just energy. We can either let that energy overwhelm us, or we can harness and drive it in a more positive direction.

Here are a few ways you can reframe your fear.

Recognize fear for what it is. Perceived fear is a physical sensation. And unless you’re in the direct path of a large speeding object or a person with malicious intent, you have the luxury of just feeling that fear for a few minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and concentrate on where you feel fear in your body. Now, imagine breathing through those affected areas. Notice how the sensations change. You’ll soon realize that fear is physical and transient, something that you can control and release.

Get rational. Turn on your “left” brain and see your fear as a puzzle to be solved. Ask questions like: Who taught me to be fearful about this? Which parts of this fear are rational, and which are ridiculous? When did I start being afraid? Where does this show up for me? What would happen if I chose to feel differently about this? Disarm your fear with some compassionate interrogation.

Do some biased research. You can always find plenty of evidence to support your fears. Instead, avoid the path of least resistance and look for facts and statistics that refute your fears. When you look for evidence to the contrary, not only will you find it, but you may also find you’ve changed your whole outlook in the process.

Model yourself after the best. Talk to or read about someone who’s faced a similar situation. Recognize that in each of us is the ability to overcome great obstacles. Sometimes all it takes is feeling inspired by others to see it in ourselves.

Air them out. Fears rattle around in our head like nuts and bolts in a clothes dryer. Drawing fears out into the air or in writing strips them of their power, somehow. Find a trusted friend to talk with, or simply write them down. Watch them magically shrink before your very eyes!

Have a “higher self” dialogue. Once you’ve exposed your fears, talk back to them. Pretend you are a very old, very wise person, and respond to each specific fear in a calm, assured, comforting way–verbally or in writing. You’ll be amazed at your own wisdom, and soon realize you’re also free to act on that wisdom.

Trust your own sources. It’s likely that you inherited many fears early on, from adults, influential peers, teachers, or other “trusted” sources. Ask yourself how much of your fear is based on your own experience. What part of it is “Mom always said…,” or “It happened to my cousin once…,” or “CNN reported…”? Once you understand the source, give yourself permission to let go of any fear you accidentally picked up from someone else.

Break it down gently. If fear keeps you from achieving a goal, a phobia treatment called systematic desensitization can help get you back in gear. First break your goal into small, doable increments. Then visualize each step, and imagine taking action and getting a great result. As your fear rises, use deep breathing or other relaxation techniques to dissipate any uncomfortable feelings. Then take that step, managing your anxiety with relaxation as you go. You’ll soon be able to control your fear response, stay in action, and reach your goal. This approach is reinforcing, because taking action is one of fear’s most powerful antidotes!

When you change your knee-jerk reaction to fear into a thoughtful response, you take away its power to control your life. So next time you find yourself resisting, suppressing, avoiding, or fighting something you’re afraid of, take a closer look and try to understand the fear. Remember, “know fear” leads to “no fear!”

My husband and I like to play games. Board games in particular, but most any game will do. One day we walked around downtown Portland, on a hunt for objects that started with each letter of the alphabet. (The letter X made this a particularly long walk).

This ability to play serves us well, especially when life gets stressful. It reminds us that even in serious times there’s still some room for levity. I also believe that the ability to play helps us overcome adversity in ways that few other things can.

During childhood, most of us are experts at play. It’s hardwired in us to use our imagination as we figure out the world around us and come up with strategies for dealing with it. But somewhere during adolescence, we give up “childish” ways in favor of independence and maturity. Our strategies solidify, and our (apparent) need to experiment decreases. This is all well and good except for the fact that, once established as adults, we tend to forget all the other benefits that play affords us:

• A way to release tension, stress, and anxiety
• An avenue for social connection
• Access to the healthful perks of smiles and laughter
• Ways to look at our problems in a new light
• Opportunities for creative, innovative solutions.

Fortunately, lots of grown-ups still know how to play. Competitive sports, poker night, video games, even stock day-trading can all be forms of play. These activities certainly can help us relieve stress, improve our social life, and provide us with humor (all but the day-trading, I expect).

However, the kind of play I’m advocating taps into our childlike sense of creativity and wonder. It fuels our imagination and stretches our mind to see our world in a fresh way. It’s this kind of play that helps us approach problems differently and come up with creative solutions.

If you have kids, you’re probably a lot closer to this kind of play, especially when you get down on your hands and knees and become a dragon, or get fingerpaint under your nails.

But even if you don’t have kids (or your kids have reached that “I’m too old to play” age themselves), there’s immense benefit in reawakening the kid in you. Regardless of your current challenge, taking time to play can make a world of difference.

Here are some ideas for play you might not have considered lately, if ever:

• Organize a scavenger hunt with neighborhood kids (or adults!).
• Play Frisbee in a nearby field, or find a Frisbee golf course if you’re goal-oriented.
• Dust off your Rubik’s cube. Work it awhile then remember why it collected dust in the first place.
• Go to a thrift or vintage store and rescue one of the games or toys you played with as a child. Play with it again.
• Play badminton or croquet (badly) with friends.
• Browse online for a weird toy or gizmo. Some favorite sites include www.ehobbies.com, www.thinkertoys.com, and www.scientificsonline.com.
• Write a limerick or haiku about a current challenge you’re having.
• Even better, take a favorite song and personalize the lyrics. Sing it to yourself or to very trusted friends.
• Buy jacks. Play with them.
• If you’re a crossword puzzle addict, buy a word puzzle book and try something completely different.
• Get a paint-by-number set. Ignore all the color codes.
• If you built model trains/planes/cars as a kid, go get one. Re-experience paint and glue and racing stripe decals.
• Ask your kid to make up a game, then play it with them. Then it’s your turn to make one up.

Play is personal and highly subjective, but the value and rewards are universal. By tapping into the very best part of who we were as children, we can reclaim the very best part of who we are now.

So, how will you go out and play today?

As we move my elderly father 1,000 miles closer to us, the concept of “worry” has been on my mind a lot lately. The dictionary defines worry as “feeling uneasy or concerned about something; to be troubled.” Worry can also be “to pull or tear at something with or as if with the teeth” (like a dog worrying a bone). That’s a fitting analogy for the scenarios we repeatedlygnaw on with our minds.

So, why do we worry? I believe there are several reasons:

1. We simulate negative situations to “practice” how we will handle them in real life.
2. We imagine worst-case scenarios as a kind of talisman, protecting us from their actually happening.
3. Since our brain chemistry doesn’t differentiate between real and imagined scenarios, we get addicted to the “fight or flight” chemicals released when we imagine the worst.

In truth, worrying rarely helps us. How many times has the situation you worried about actually turned out that way? What worry does do is put us in a constant state of anxiety, weakening our immune system, suppressing our creativity, and in fact making us less able to handle difficult life situations when they do arise.

Believe it or not, we choose to worry. After many years of practice that choice becomes a habit, but one that can be broken with conscious effort. Without becoming an insufferable optimist or dismissing reality, you can still choose to focus on the best-case scenario. By doing so, you send your mind and body a signal that this is the outcome you’re aiming for.

Here are a few creative ways to help break the worrying habit:

CIA. Consider the situation you’re worried about, and make a three-column list: things you can Control, things you can Influence, and things you can Accept about the situation. Take action on the first two columns, and let go of the third.

Freebird. If you’re a visual person, sometimes it helps to imagine your thoughts as something tangible. I often picture worrisome thoughts as trapped birds, frantically flapping around in my head. Then I imagine opening a window and letting them fly out. While you can use any image that works for you, I recommend finding something that signifies “letting go” or “releasing.”

Get in gear. Worrying is a lot like having your foot on the gas pedal without the car being in gear. You waste a lot of gas but don’t go anywhere. Change that potential energy into kinetic energy! Go for a walk, run up a flight of stairs, turn on some music and dance. Move your body and change your chemistry.Now’s OK. Bring yourself back to the present. Where are you and what are you doing right now? Eating breakfast, driving your car, sitting in your office, brushing your teeth, walking the dog? Chances are you’re in familiar territory. Is there anything in this moment that’s truly unmanageable? Do this each time you feel overwhelmed. By returning to the present, you reclaim your power over the situation and your life. Even when you’re faced with something new, assess the present and know that you’re handling it, right now.

Improvise on these to suit your personality. For more ideas, read 25 Ways to Break the Worrying Habit.