It’s been an interesting past few months; the operative word has been “remodel.” We remodeled our kitchen, and I remodeled my website. Through these projects, I learned even more about deliberate and conscious change. As I’ve thought about it (and lived through it), there are 10 different stages to a remodeling job These phases apply to any kind of revamping you make in your life - whether it’s what you do, who you’re with, where you live, or all three!

Here are the stages:

1. Discontent. Simply put, you’re not happy with the status quo anymore. The dissatisfaction may be physical, mental, emotional, even spiritual. In any case, there’s a growing awareness that you’d like it to be different, even if you don’t know what it looks like yet. The key at this stage is to acknowledge that your discomfort has validity, and to not rationalize it away.
2. Vision. You start getting a clear picture of what you do want. Your ideal career, that well-matched mate, the perfect city to live in. Sometimes the vision comes easily; other times it may be hard to bring what you want into focus. Detail is needed here. The more clearly you can see the particulars of your desired change, the more motivation you’ll have to do something about it. If those details are fuzzy at first, stay with it. Read about it, write it down, draw a picture, talk to people about it. Over time you’ll find your vision crystallizing into something that you can articulate and take steps toward achieving.
3. Plan. Before leaping headlong into a remodel, it’s a good idea to work through how it’s all going to go. Are you starting a new business? Write a business plan. Are you relocating? Outline all the things that need to take place on each side of the move. Even in something as unpredictable and messy as a divorce, you can still plan for what decisions need to be made and by when, and clarify who can help and who will be impacted. For those of us who don’t like planning all that much, focus on simplicity. What’s the most straightforward path to where you want to be? A simple plan makes it easy to move out of the vision stage and into action!

   

4. Demolition. At this point there’s nothing left to do but dive in. But in order to have something new, you need to remove the old. Sometimes the demolition is very tangible (like the massive pile of rubble in our backyard); other times it’s an inner dismantling of all that’s comfortable and familiar. It’s easy to have “remodeler’s remorse” at this stage. WHAT HAVE I DONE?? To combat this, go back to your goal; re-energize yourself with the knowledge that you are doing this for a very good reason.
5. Turbulence. Once you’re in the thick of the remodeling, things can get a little bumpy. As you leave the familiar behind but haven’t reached the other side, there can be a lot of stress and frustration. You will have to think, work, and live differently, and much in your life will feel “temporary” until the change is complete. What helps here is to trust in your vision and your plan. Make adjustments to the plan as needed, but stay in the present. If you project ahead to the future and wonder why the heck you aren’t there yet, you’ll find the ride gets even bumpier.
6. Haven. You may find that the temporary measures you’ve established during this big change readily settle into a new routine. The makeshift kitchen in the basement, the rhythm of the job search, the hotel room while your furniture is being shipped. We humans are amazingly adaptable, and it may surprise you how quickly the temporary can feel like home. Use this stage for regrouping. Rest, allow yourself to breathe, and recharge for the rest of the journey.
7. Progress. This is the light at the end of the tunnel. You start seeing glimpses of your vision unfolding. You can actually imagine working in a new job, living in a new place, being with a new person. But with progress often comes annoyance at not enough progress. Give yourself the gift of patience. Know that you are growing and learning, and this takes time. Rushing through the change, you may miss some gifts along the way.
8. Finale. The work is done, the move is made, the deal is clinched, and you’re ready to roll. What happens sometimes, though, is that we’re so anxious to move on that we forget about celebration! Acknowledge what you’ve been through, congratulate yourself on your endurance, be grateful for what you’ve learned. You can do this as formally or informally as you like, but your mind will remember your marking the accomplishment, which will help motivate you for the next big remodeling!
9. Adjustment. You wanted this. You asked for it. So why isn’t it perfect? From something as simple as remembering which drawer you put the silverware in, to learning to navigate a whole new company culture, there’s still a period of adjustment as you settle into your new way of being. This stage also requires patience, but curiosity is helpful as well. Turn frustration into a game. How long will it take me to learn the ropes here? What new, interesting thing will happen today? Go easy on yourself and lighten up. You’re where you want to be!
10. Integration. You’ve arrived. Your remodel is comfortable, familiar, and feels like home. It has become a part of you. The best thing to do at this point is to experience the gratitude of setting your vision, enduring the transition, and reaching your goal!

So whether you’re remodeling an old room to fit the times, or updating a career to fit your current lifestyle, use these stages as a guide for helping you through the change while keeping your perspective (and your sanity).

What parts of your life might be in need of remodeling?

I’m going to start this article with a brief visit back to high school physics. Wait! Before you run screaming in terror, bear with me.Newton’s First Law of Motion states that an object in motion will stay in motion and an object at rest will stay at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. This is often known as the Law of Inertia.

This law may not be particularly interesting in and of itself (unless you’re an avid pool player). What is interesting is that human behavior tends to work in exactly the same way.

For example, have you ever found yourself thinking a lot about something you’d like to do but find it nearly impossible to get into gear? Yet other times you’ll be working in a nice groove on an interesting project, and nothing but the most basic biological urges can make you stop what you’re doing?

In both cases, inertia’s at work. Simply put, it’s easy to stay moving, but hard to get started. This applies to things as small as cleaning out your closet, or as complex as looking for a new career.

For some people, overcoming inertia is no problem. For the rest of us-how do we get past our internal resistance to start endeavors we know will make us happier in the long run?

I’d like to say the answer is as straightforward as Newton’s law…but it’s not. The things that keep us from taking action are varied and complex, and can include:

• Fatigue, illness, or other suboptimal physical state
• Uncomfortable emotions
• Other things competing for our time and attention
• Doubt in our ability to succeed
• Anticipated level of difficulty, frustration, or tedium involved
• Bad prior experience doing the same or similar task
• Lack of resources available to help get the job done

However, it is possible to overcome your inertia and get moving. The key is to discover or create that “unbalanced force” that works best for you. And often it doesn’t take much. Here are some strategies you can try:

1. Give yourself an official start date. Write it on your calendar. Tell your friends. Make it known to yourself and everyone that you are committed to do this.

2. Don’t try to embark on a new project when you are sick, tired, or stressed. Don’t give up but rather focus on bringing back your health and balance, and commit to start when your “tank is full.”

3. Similarly, trying to make yourself do something when you are sad, angry, depressed, or scared may only bring you down further. Don’t beat yourself up. Just give yourself permission to start when you’re feeling more positive.

4. Get crystal clear on the benefits of your desired outcome, so that you visualize the rewards in much greater detail than the challenges surrounding the task. Pretend you’ve already reached your goal, then write a short story about it, including how it felt to be successful.

5. Think about what you already have at your disposal to get the job done. What knowledge or information do you have? Whom do you know who can help? What have you already done towards your goal?

6. Write down the steps to your goal. Sometimes our inertia comes from being unclear on exactly what it will take to get the job done. Breaking it down into smaller pieces can lift the weight that keeps you from starting.

7. Identify which steps in the process you know you’ll enjoy. Also figure out which ones you are dreading. Then ask for help, hire out, or otherwise delegate those tasks that may keep you from getting to the more desirable parts of the job.

8. If you are resisting because of some previous experience, ask yourself what you would do differently this time around. Focus on what’s unique about this situation and what you’ve learned that will now support your success.

9. Get a project partner. Someone who is willing to check in with you and vice versa as you both work on your goals.

10. See how your commitment to this goal will benefit others around you. Sometimes we’re more than willing to do things for others that we’re not willing to do for ourselves alone.

You may find that even one of these strategies is enough to break through your inertia, creating momentum that propels you towards your goal. Or you may have to try several in order to tap into that force that finally gets you off that chair and into your life.

So…what would you like to get started on today?

Is there something you’ve really wanted for a long time? A new career? A happier relationship? A bigger house? To make a difference in the world? These are examples of things you might have imagined are possible but aren’t within your grasp at the moment. So how do you get them? GRASP them!

You can look at any dream or vision as requiring five key factors to help make them come true: a Goal, Resources, Attitude, Support, and a Plan. Without any one of these things being in place, the likelihood of realizing your dream goes down.

Let’s look at each of these elements in detail.

Goal. This seems pretty obvious, but is your goal really a goal, or just a vague daydream? In other words, how well-defined is your vision? What kind of job do you want? What does “happier” mean to you, in practical terms? How big of a house and where? What specific difference would you like to make, and for whom? Keep asking these kinds of questions until you are crystal clear on the who’s, what’s, where’s, and when’s of your vision.

Resources. This is where you take inventory for your dream. What do you have at your disposal right now to make it come true? What skills, knowledge, talents, and abilities do you already possess that will help you succeed? What time, money, equipment, and materials do you have to make this easier? On the flipside, what do you need? What’s missing? Making a list of both your available and absent resources helps you use what you have and go after what’s missing.

Attitude. Our attitudes about what we can and can’t do are even more important than the resources we have to accomplish our goals. You can think about all the things that can go wrong; all the times you failed; all the things that stand in your way; all the reasons why now isn’t a good time. OR… You can choose to assume that no matter what, you will achieve your goal. One might argue that this attitude is “unrealistic.” But in fact a positive attitude greatly increases the odds that you will reach your goal. Focusing on possibilities instead than problems opens up creativity, opportunities, and willingness from other people to help you succeed.

Support. Speaking of people, the more support and encouragement you have, the more likely you are to reach your dream. Who can help you obtain the resources that you’re missing? Who will bolster you up when you get discouraged? Who do you want there with you to celebrate your success? We thrive more with support, dare more with encouragement, and do more with love. How can you enlist the support of others to help you achieve your goal?

Plan. And of course, you must create a plan. Something with a schedule, doable action items, clear milestones, and finite ways to measure your progress. This doesn’t have to be elaborate-it can be as simple as outlining the steps to your goal and marking the dates when you want to accomplish each task. Putting something down “on paper” makes it more concrete; having a plan puts your dream into three dimensions (four if you count the time it takes to complete it!).

So think for a moment about something you’ve been wanting for a long time. Walk through the GRASP model and ask yourself which factors come up short or missing. Make the commitment to yourself to define the goal, determine your resources, shift your attitude, solicit support, create a plan–then grasp your dreams!

I’m skeptical when someone claims to be fearless–after all, it’s an integral part of being human. If we understand that fear’s true (albeit sometimes misguided) purpose is to keep us safe, we can actually use it to our advantage.

Unfortunately, it seems that instead of being taught to manage fear, we’re almost encouraged to operate from it–by our parents (with punishment), our teachers (with bad grades), our employers (with termination), government (with loss of freedom), the media (with crime and natural disasters), and the list goes on.

Fear can hijack your life by:

• dampening your motivation to grow or improve your situation
• jeopardizing personal and professional relationships
• making you hesitant to accept help
• forcing you to make excuses for your words and actions
• locking you into negative thought patterns and self-destructive behaviors
• imprisoning you in a dead-end job, a bad marriage, even your own home.

However, I believe we can learn to choose how we experience fear, and in doing so open ourselves up to a whole new set of options. When you get right down to it, our emotions are just energy. We can either let that energy overwhelm us, or we can harness and drive it in a more positive direction.

Here are a few ways you can reframe your fear.

Recognize fear for what it is. Perceived fear is a physical sensation. And unless you’re in the direct path of a large speeding object or a person with malicious intent, you have the luxury of just feeling that fear for a few minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and concentrate on where you feel fear in your body. Now, imagine breathing through those affected areas. Notice how the sensations change. You’ll soon realize that fear is physical and transient, something that you can control and release.

Get rational. Turn on your “left” brain and see your fear as a puzzle to be solved. Ask questions like: Who taught me to be fearful about this? Which parts of this fear are rational, and which are ridiculous? When did I start being afraid? Where does this show up for me? What would happen if I chose to feel differently about this? Disarm your fear with some compassionate interrogation.

Do some biased research. You can always find plenty of evidence to support your fears. Instead, avoid the path of least resistance and look for facts and statistics that refute your fears. When you look for evidence to the contrary, not only will you find it, but you may also find you’ve changed your whole outlook in the process.

Model yourself after the best. Talk to or read about someone who’s faced a similar situation. Recognize that in each of us is the ability to overcome great obstacles. Sometimes all it takes is feeling inspired by others to see it in ourselves.

Air them out. Fears rattle around in our head like nuts and bolts in a clothes dryer. Drawing fears out into the air or in writing strips them of their power, somehow. Find a trusted friend to talk with, or simply write them down. Watch them magically shrink before your very eyes!

Have a “higher self” dialogue. Once you’ve exposed your fears, talk back to them. Pretend you are a very old, very wise person, and respond to each specific fear in a calm, assured, comforting way–verbally or in writing. You’ll be amazed at your own wisdom, and soon realize you’re also free to act on that wisdom.

Trust your own sources. It’s likely that you inherited many fears early on, from adults, influential peers, teachers, or other “trusted” sources. Ask yourself how much of your fear is based on your own experience. What part of it is “Mom always said…,” or “It happened to my cousin once…,” or “CNN reported…”? Once you understand the source, give yourself permission to let go of any fear you accidentally picked up from someone else.

Break it down gently. If fear keeps you from achieving a goal, a phobia treatment called systematic desensitization can help get you back in gear. First break your goal into small, doable increments. Then visualize each step, and imagine taking action and getting a great result. As your fear rises, use deep breathing or other relaxation techniques to dissipate any uncomfortable feelings. Then take that step, managing your anxiety with relaxation as you go. You’ll soon be able to control your fear response, stay in action, and reach your goal. This approach is reinforcing, because taking action is one of fear’s most powerful antidotes!

When you change your knee-jerk reaction to fear into a thoughtful response, you take away its power to control your life. So next time you find yourself resisting, suppressing, avoiding, or fighting something you’re afraid of, take a closer look and try to understand the fear. Remember, “know fear” leads to “no fear!”

When I hear people talk about their New Year’s resolutions I get the impression they’re really talking about New Year’s hopes. As in, “I hope this new day of a new month of a new year will create enough magic to help me lose weight, save money, change jobs, etc.” We know how that magic usually pans out.

I think the problem stems from how we approach resolution. What images arise for you with that word? I think of conviction, strength, discipline, sacrifice. Powerful ideas all of them, but ones that are hard to live up to every day.

So is there a better way to make resolutions that stick?

I think there is. First, let’s consider the word itself. Resolution originated in the early 1400s from Latin roots meaning “breaking into parts,” “reducing things into simpler forms,” and “loosening.” Using these definitions, we can approach positive change in a whole new way.

Breaking into parts. We often attempt a major personal change without getting clear on all the necessary elements–namely our thoughts, feelings, and ability to take action. Unless these three areas are in alignment, chances are you’ll fall short of your goal. For instance, if you’re mentally and emotionally committed to your goal but don’t take consistent action, you’ll never move forward. Or, if you’re mentally prepared and willing to take action but aren’t emotionally engaged, you’ll get stuck in “neutral.” Finally, if you’re emotionally committed and willing to take action but haven’t thought your goal through, you’ll likely end up someplace other than where you want to be.

So how do you get your thoughts, feelings, and actions in alignment?

1. Think about your goal in great detail: what it looks like, why you want it, when it will happen, how you will go about it. Make it vividly real to you.
2. Feel the success. Take the mental picture you created, and add all the emotions you want to feel about it. Confidence? Joy? Pride? Giddiness? Visualize your success until you actually feel those emotions, right now.
3. Act on a plan that engages your thoughts and your feelings. When you feel unclear or unmotivated, stop and go back to the mental image and emotional state you created around your goal. If you truly connect to your goal with your mind and heart, taking action becomes much easier.

Reducing things into simpler forms. Our resolutions are often things of grandeur, ringing loud and clear for all the world to hear. Sometimes that proclamation alone is enough to keep us on track, but more often than not it’s like strapping a jet engine to a scooter. Too much thrust, not enough control.

Try making the whole thing simpler, more specific, and more manageable. Instead of a grandiose resolution to get completely out of debt this year, look just a week ahead. What’s realistic? “I’ll cook one more meal at home, buy one less latte, put $5 in a cookie jar.” The easier the action, the less likely your inner adolescent will kick in and say, “Don’t tell me what to do!” Keep setting your sights smaller and smaller until you find yourself consistently doing the things you set out to do.

Loosening. This third approach implies that, ironically, giving ourselves enough slack actually helps us move towards our goal. Say you’ve aligned your mind, heart, and body to finding your dream job, and have broken down your plan into small daily tasks, like arranging an informational interview, researching an interesting company, or tailoring your resume.

But one morning you wake up and find yourself doing everything but your plan. At this point you can 1) beat yourself up for being a lazy loser; 2) try to get your old boring job back; or 3) say to yourself, “I’m just not up to calling people or doing research today. However, I know I can read just one chapter in that book on interview skills…” Loosen up and know that your energy, motivation, and abilities naturally vary from day to day. The trick is to ask yourself “What can I do today?” Instead of giving up, do whatever you are able to do that day, however small. Give yourself credit for always moving forward, even if it’s an inch. Being kind to yourself today may be exactly what you need to get back on track tomorrow.

Putting it all together, think about what dream you want to fulfill in the year ahead. Something your mind, heart, and body can all agree on. Something you can break down into small, simple steps. Something that allows you the freedom to do better some days than others.

Have a safe and happy New Year, and may your resolutions become reality!

OK, summer’s pretty much over but your mind and heart may not be quite ready to give up on longer days, shorter pants, sunblock, and barbecues. Nevertheless, there’s something in the air (a throwback to school days, no doubt) that calls us to roll up our sleeves, redouble our efforts, and kick our lives back into gear.

Problem is, that’s sometimes easier said than done.

What do you do when you have a goal but don’t seem to be motivated to get it done? Well, lots of things: daydream, distract yourself with idle tasks, multi-task inefficiently, and engage in all sorts of avoidance behaviors that many of us struggle with but rarely admit to.

Maintaining focus and self-discipline is something we face at one point or another in our lives (or our day!). We feel we should do something, and would if only we felt motivated, or had the self-discipline, or both.

But as we know, simply willing ourselves to get going is often a losing battle. Instead, try changing your perspective from motivation to inspiration. Here are some ways to shift your thinking from “oh no” to “let’s go!”

1. Once upon a time. Depending on the size of the goal, pick a point in the future (one week, six months, five years) and imagine telling someone how you accomplished it. In great detail. Often outlining the process in your head can break through your resistance to action.
2. Out of the mouths of babes. Imagine asking a child (or actually ask one) how they would get the job done. Listen to the fun, creative answer, and apply what works!
3. Prime the pump. What’s the smallest increment of action you can take to start your goal? Do that one small thing. You may then find yourself drawn to the next small step. And the next.
4. Capture the state. What does “inspiration” feel like to you? Think about the last time you felt truly fired up to do something, then put your body and mind in that state. Use that energy to propel you forward.
5. Change your language. When it comes to getting things done, how do you talk about yourself? “I’m lazy.” “I procrastinate.” “I’m good at starting things…” Change your thoughts and words to those of completion and accomplishment. Even if you don’t believe it at first, keep it up and watch your actions change…
6. Do a values check. Make a list of your top 10 values. What’s most important to you? Does this task or goal support one or more of these values? If so, how? If not, ask yourself why it’s on your list.
7. Buddy up. Team up with a trusted friend, and share your goals. Set up a schedule of mutual accountability. Get together and treat yourselves when you’ve both met your goals.
8. Model your hero. Think about someone you admire (friend, celebrity, fictional character). What’s their attitude? How would they do this? Then pretend you’re just like them.
9. Do an inventory. Get out some paper, write your goal at the top, and make two columns: What I Have and What I Need. In the first column, list everything you have to accomplish your goal (tools, materials, know-how, personality traits, etc.) and in the second, what you don’t have. What shows up in the second column may shed light on why you’re stuck and how to fix it.
10. Build on your successes. Think about everything you’ve accomplished so far today (including getting out of bed!). No matter how small, you do many wonderful things every day. Make a habit of recounting your successes every night, and soon you’ll be looking for more things to go after tomorrow.

So, pick one thing you’d like to get done. Start with something small, apply one or more of these strategies, or make up your own. What would you like to feel inspired about today?