“We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.” ~ Abigail Adams

Why is it that you are instantly comfortable with some people you meet, while others you thoroughly distrust? We each have an innate ethic-o-meter that tells us whether someone’s words, body language, and actions all line up.

Sadly, some “radars” aren’t turned up as high as others, leaving them vulnerable to messages of questionable intent.

Ultimately, we all want to be liked and trusted, and being ethical when you communicate fosters warmth and believability with your audience. This includes:
•    Making sure your actions are in agreement with what you say
•    Always telling the truth as you know it
•    Being consistent in who you are and what you say over time
•    Respecting other people’s viewpoints and opinions.

What You Say is What They Get

The most heinous scandals often involve people who behave in a way that contradicts what they stand for. Religious leaders having adulterous affairs; elected officials misappropriating campaign funds; world-class athletes fixing competitions. In fact, the more visible a person is, the louder the public outcry when their behavior belies their words.

But being true to your word is important at any level of fame or fortune. It is the foundation of trust in all your relationships, and broken trust is so very to earn back. So ask yourself:
•    Is what I’m saying consistent with what I truly believe?
•    If I tell people I will do something, am I confident I will keep my word?
•    When no one’s watching, do I actually do the things I tell people I do?

If your words don’t “ring true” to you, neither will they to your audience. Either rethink your message, or revisit the commitment behind your words.

Honesty Really is the Best Policy

Closely related to alignment is honesty. Not being fully truthful takes away your audience’s ability to make well-informed decisions. Not that you would ever out-and-out lie to your listeners or readers, but there are subtle ways of being dishonest that affect your credibility, such as:
•    Saying something because it sounds good even if you don’t totally buy into your message
•    Omitting or distorting information because you’re afraid people won’t like what you have to say
•    Misleading your audience with statistics, credentials, or emotions to look good or accomplish personal goals.

Well intended or not, being dishonest dilutes your effectiveness because the truth will eventually come out – in your body language, by someone else ‘catching’ you; or through inconsistencies in your message.

Don’t Be a Chameleon

Being able to predict human behavior helps people feel safe. So when people hear inconsistencies in someone’s words, an inner alarm goes off. Think about politicians who switch positions on an issue during a campaign, and how public distrust reflects in the polls. Your message may become inconsistent if you:
•    are not sure what your message really is
•    are trying to please everyone all the time
•    change your basic message to suit different groups
•    don’t really buy into your position in the first place.

It’s best to choose your position and the ideal target audience who benefits most from what you have to say. This doesn’t mean that your message won’t evolve over time. What remains the same, however, are your own core values and the alignment between your actions and your words.

I’m OK, You’re OK

Finally, being ethical means accepting that not everyone thinks like you do. Speaking your truth even when others disagree isn’t easy to do, but it does garner respect and trust from your audience. This also means avoiding bigotry or ethnic slurs; insults and slander; unsolicited judgment or criticism; and sarcasm or teasing that belittles or shames another person. You are a powerful communicator when you stay true to your own course, letting others’ opinions and emotions be about their “stuff,” not yours.

So think about a message you’re working on right now. Check in that your actions align with your words; that you are telling the truth to yourself and others; that it’s consistent with earlier messages; and that your message respects those who receive it. When you build your message on a solid ethical foundation, you give your voice unshakable power and appeal!

“When words & manners leave you no space for yourself
make
very personal
very clear
& your obstructions will join you or disappear.”  ~ Ntozake Shange

There are two basic parts to all communication: 1) content and 2)
relationship. What this means is every single thing you say or write has
the power to both inform and affect your relationship with the recipient.
Expert speakers and writers are keenly aware of this and use it to their
benefit. To communicate with appeal, you must create a personal connection
with your audience. There are several ways to do this:

- Build common ground
- Give them what they want
- Be a real person
- Continue the relationship

BUILD COMMON GROUND
A basic tenet of psychology is that we like people who are like us. Think
about a conversation you’ve had with someone you just met. What were you
doing beneath the small talk? Discovering things you have in common. Recall
your delight when you found out you both grew up in the same city, or that
your kids go to the same school. Sharing common experiences helps us
predict a person’s values, thoughts, and behavior, making it safe to get
closer to them.

The back-and-forth nature of conversation makes it relatively easy to
build common ground. But if you’re giving a speech or writing an article,
you may need to do some research first to determine what you have in common
with your readers or listeners. Look for elements such as geography,
education, training, skills, abilities, organizations, relationships or
specialized language (jargon). Take care, however, to never misrepresent
yourself or your affiliations merely to “get in good” with your
audience.

And don’t forget about non-verbal communication. Apparel, appearance,
and actions all point to whether or not you’re a member of your
audience’s “club.” Matching your style and energy to your audience
helps emphasize your similarities rather than your differences.

GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT
Face it, it’s all about me. And, it’s all about you. We are each the
center of our own universe; for your message to reach someone you have to
take that into consideration. You may have specific goals for speaking or
writing, but remember that your audience has their own goals for listening
to or reading your words. So make sure your message addresses what they
need. Do they want information, inspiration, or entertainment? The more
closely your goals match theirs, the easier it is to capture their
attention. Even when your agenda is different from theirs or the news is
bad, keep their interests in mind (How will this affect me? What do I do
now?) and they will be more open to yours.

BE A REAL PERSON
Just like Geppetto, who long dreamed that his Pinnochio would someday
become a real boy, your audience wants you to be a real person, not a
wooden doll. You can be the premier expert in your field, but if people
can’t connect with you as a human being, you will eventually lose them.

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to impress people and look good –
but so often the more you try the less you succeed! The antidote? Be
yourself. Share your stories. Express your feelings. I used to work for a
technical services firm, and even in the driest sales presentations,
clients were most impressed by engineers who smiled and were genuinely
excited about the work they did.

CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP
Relationships are built over time. Yet so often a person will write one
article and wait for clients to call, give a single presentation and look
for the contract, or send out a resumé and expect a job offer! It takes
time for people to know you, like you, and trust you, so the most effective
communicators make sure they interact with their audiences again and again.
Schedule a follow-up meeting at the end of a sales presentation; raffle off
a free consultation after an association talk; invite people to subscribe
to your newsletter at a networking event; include your Website, email
and/or phone number in your article byline.

So next time you speak, write, or mix and mingle—focus on building common
ground, incorporating your audience’s goals, putting yourself into your message,
and creating a way to continue the relationship. That old saying “Familiarity
breeds contempt” doesn’t apply at all in effective communication. Rather,
familiarity breeds comfort and eagerness to communicate with you again!

“Remember that what pulls the strings is the force hidden within; there lies the power to persuade, there the life — there, if one must speak out, the real man.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

Power is a loaded word, conjuring up positive and negative images for
people. Good or bad, power is a critical component of communicating with
A.P.P.E.A.L. It’s what captures and holds people’s attention, and spurs
them into action.

There are three elements that powerful communicators share:

-Knowledge of their subject
-Belief in their message
-Energy in their delivery

Whether you’re writing, speaking, or conversing, your communication is
powerful when these things are present and working together. Let’s look
at each in detail.

You Gotta Start Somewhere

Having knowledge is a clear prerequisite for communicating powerfully. But
keep two things in mind. First, you don’t have to know everything to
claim you know something. My clients trip up on this all the time. “What
if I don’t know enough?” “What if people find out I’m not an
expert?” Not only is it impossible to know everything, there’s really no
objective measure that definitively says “You now have Knowledge. Ta-da!”

So start where you are and build on it. Don’t avoid giving a talk,
writing an article, networking, or joining an interest group because you’re
afraid you don’t know enough. You’ll often find when you share your
knowledge of a topic, people know less about it than you think!

Second, don’t be afraid to not know. I’ve never heard anyone get
boo’ed off a stage because they answered a question with “I don’t
know.” True knowledge is built by following up that “I don’t know”
with “I’ll find out and get back to you.” The most knowledgeable
people know where to find information quickly. Fortunately, the Internet
makes us all more knowledgeable by this definition!

If You Believe It, They’ll Believe You

Powerful communicators not only know what they are talking about, they
also believe in their own words. What made Martin Luther King, Jr. a
powerful communicator was that he really did have a dream, one that
permeated his whole being. If you have the emotional conviction behind what
you say or write, people feel the power.

Unfortunately, belief is hard to drum up if it’s not there to begin
with. Choosing a topic, a livelihood, or a relationship you believe in
makes talking or writing about it much easier! Ask anyone who started a
business to uphold family tradition; chose a career because it made lots of
money; or proposed to someone because it “made sense.” Communicating
without belief often leaves us drained, powerless.

So check in with yourself before you start talking or typing. Do you
believe in your subject? Is it consistent with your values? Do you really
care about what you’re saying? The more aligned your words are with who
you are, the more impact those words will have on others.

Turn Up the Juice

So you know something about your topic and you believe in it. Now it’s
time to breathe life into your words. When writing, select language that is
creative, descriptive, alive. Make use of examples, stories and analogies
whenever possible. Face it, as readers we want to be enthralled. So know
who your audience is and write to hold their attention.

When speaking, do all this and more. Use your voice as a tool to create
excitement, significance, even tension. Vary your pace, change your vocal
tone, use pauses for effect. If all this sounds daunting, try this
exercise. Before giving a talk, practice it as if you were telling a
children’s bedtime story. Really exaggerate, noticing how you emphasize
particular words, change your pitch, and pause in certain places. Now
rehearse it again in your normal voice, remembering your bedtime version.
Consider recording before and after this exercise so you can hear the
difference.

Pump Up the Power

Naturally, all this takes preparation and practice, but if it’s worth
communicating, it’s worth communicating well. Try it for yourself next
time you have to write or speak with power. Review and own what you know
about the topic. Ensure that you believe in your own words. Communicate
what you know with energy and enthusiasm. You’ll soon find people
listening more intently, and treating you with the respect you’ve earned
as a powerful communicator!

“Whatever we well understand we express clearly, and words flow with ease.”

~ Nicholas Boileau

I was surprised to find that there are 19 definitions for the word
“articulate.” Some of them don’t have anything to do with words (such as
the articulated segments of a worm). There were two definitions, however,
that help clarify what it means to be articulate:

1. using language easily and fluently; having facility with words: an
articulate speaker.

2. expressed, formulated, or presented with clarity and effectiveness: an
articulate thought.

The first speaks to what you might think about being articulate — that it’s
an innate gift or talent. While it’s true that certain people have a natural
facility with words, the second definition has more universal appeal.
You may not feel you naturally use language “easily and fluently,” but if
you work to present your thoughts with clarity and effectiveness, you’ll
be amazed how articulate you become, without adding a single word
to your vocabulary!

To increase your clarity and effectiveness, consider these three things:

The motive. What’s your purpose for speaking or writing? Do you want to
educate, motivate, entertain, build rapport? There are two components to
communication — content (what’s being said), and relationship (how you
connect). When you’re clear on what information you want to impart, and how
you want that information to impact your relationship with the receiver,
you can find the best words to meet both objectives.

The audience. Understanding who you’re communicating to, whether it’s one
person or a thousand, helps you choose the right topic, words, tone, and
delivery method for your audience to fully receive that message. What’s your
current relationship to them? What benefit do you both get from
the interaction? What perspective or background do they have that
affects their ability to understand you?

The takeaway. Knowing what you want (and don’t want) your receivers to
take away from your message impacts what you say and write. Do you want
people to see something in a different way, feel something new, or take some
action?

This seems like a lot to think about just to pick up the phone and
say hi to Aunt Martha, doesn’t it? Certainly the amount of time you spend
preparing your message should match the importance of the outcome. But I’ve
known people who spend the same amount of time preparing for a staff
meeting as they do when calling Aunt Martha. And they often get similar
results!

Although some people are naturally good with words, don’t underestimate
the value of practice. After all, gifted musicians still spend hours a day
at their craft! While you don’t have to spend hours practicing
articulation, honing the following skills will greatly improve your verbal
and written impact:

Be simple and concise. Use as few words as you can get away with and still
get your message across. The truth is, people can take in only so much
information. While it takes discipline, the more concise you can be, the
more impact you’ll have.

Consciously listen and read. Paying close attention to what other people
say and write can be illuminating. Put on your analytical hat the next time
you listen to a candidate’s speech or read a news article. What’s your
reaction to their words? Do they get to the point or just ramble? Do you
believe their message? Do you feel they care about what you think? Use your
own experience as a listener or reader to inform how you communicate with
others.

Be authentic. You will always be more articulate about what you know and
love than what you don’t. Trying to speak or write about something you
don’t know or care about can lead to stilted, uncomfortable language that
leaves your audience bewildered, unaffected, or worse. So tap into your own
knowledge and enthusiasm and let the words flow (concisely)!

Cross-test your message. It’s a good idea to test the clarify of your
message, particularly in your business, by writing down what you’re going
to say or saying out loud what you’ve written. Often my clients will draft
a networking introduction that “sounds” good on paper, but is an unholy
mouthful to say. So to say something important, write it down first to
clarify your thoughts. Or write an article then read it out loud and listen
for the tone, style, and fluency. If it’s easy to listen to, it’s likely
easy to read.

So now you know that being articulate isn’t merely a mystical gift
bestowed on a lucky few. With awareness and practice, you can improve your
“clarity and effectiveness” in everything you say and write. Try these
ideas over the next week, and notice the difference in how people respond
to you!

I love words and language — in essence they are what define us as human. Just try to think about something — anything — without words popping up in your mind. It’s nearly impossible. Our words reflect who we are, and they also shape who we can become when we use them consciously. Often times we become enslaved by the words we use, by training or habit or laziness. Not particularly wanting to be enslaved (even by myself) I’ve been collecting strategies for using language more consciously, and thus be more the master of my thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

Which brings me to antonyms — an antonym is a word that is the opposite in meaning to another word. Fast - slow, hot - cold, happy - sad, that kind of thing. I sometimes use antonyms to help me choose how I want to be in a given situation.

Say I’m feeling nervous or afraid of something. If I’m alert enough to my state, I try to think of the antonym for what I’m feeling. Fearful becomes brave; nervous becomes calm. Then I think about what I would feel/say/do if I were experiencing that antonym, right now. And when I do that, the negative state I’m in tends to melt away and be replaced with something approaching that antonym.

Try it. Let me know how it works for you.

OK, summer’s pretty much over but your mind and heart may not be quite ready to give up on longer days, shorter pants, sunblock, and barbecues. Nevertheless, there’s something in the air (a throwback to school days, no doubt) that calls us to roll up our sleeves, redouble our efforts, and kick our lives back into gear.

Problem is, that’s sometimes easier said than done.

What do you do when you have a goal but don’t seem to be motivated to get it done? Well, lots of things: daydream, distract yourself with idle tasks, multi-task inefficiently, and engage in all sorts of avoidance behaviors that many of us struggle with but rarely admit to.

Maintaining focus and self-discipline is something we face at one point or another in our lives (or our day!). We feel we should do something, and would if only we felt motivated, or had the self-discipline, or both.

But as we know, simply willing ourselves to get going is often a losing battle. Instead, try changing your perspective from motivation to inspiration. Here are some ways to shift your thinking from “oh no” to “let’s go!”

1. Once upon a time. Depending on the size of the goal, pick a point in the future (one week, six months, five years) and imagine telling someone how you accomplished it. In great detail. Often outlining the process in your head can break through your resistance to action.
2. Out of the mouths of babes. Imagine asking a child (or actually ask one) how they would get the job done. Listen to the fun, creative answer, and apply what works!
3. Prime the pump. What’s the smallest increment of action you can take to start your goal? Do that one small thing. You may then find yourself drawn to the next small step. And the next.
4. Capture the state. What does “inspiration” feel like to you? Think about the last time you felt truly fired up to do something, then put your body and mind in that state. Use that energy to propel you forward.
5. Change your language. When it comes to getting things done, how do you talk about yourself? “I’m lazy.” “I procrastinate.” “I’m good at starting things…” Change your thoughts and words to those of completion and accomplishment. Even if you don’t believe it at first, keep it up and watch your actions change…
6. Do a values check. Make a list of your top 10 values. What’s most important to you? Does this task or goal support one or more of these values? If so, how? If not, ask yourself why it’s on your list.
7. Buddy up. Team up with a trusted friend, and share your goals. Set up a schedule of mutual accountability. Get together and treat yourselves when you’ve both met your goals.
8. Model your hero. Think about someone you admire (friend, celebrity, fictional character). What’s their attitude? How would they do this? Then pretend you’re just like them.
9. Do an inventory. Get out some paper, write your goal at the top, and make two columns: What I Have and What I Need. In the first column, list everything you have to accomplish your goal (tools, materials, know-how, personality traits, etc.) and in the second, what you don’t have. What shows up in the second column may shed light on why you’re stuck and how to fix it.
10. Build on your successes. Think about everything you’ve accomplished so far today (including getting out of bed!). No matter how small, you do many wonderful things every day. Make a habit of recounting your successes every night, and soon you’ll be looking for more things to go after tomorrow.

So, pick one thing you’d like to get done. Start with something small, apply one or more of these strategies, or make up your own. What would you like to feel inspired about today?