There’s an art to getting the most out of a buffet.

First, you assess the size of your plate. Sometimes you get a big, generous plate; some even have edges that curve upward for extra filling capacity. Other times you get a dinky little plate, barely enough to hold a couple of meatballs and a cocktail shrimp.

Once you know the size of your plate, you cruise the offerings and see
what you’d like to fill your plate with, and what you can skip. If you
just start scooping up from start to finish, even with the smallest
portions you’ll run out of room, and possibly missing out on your
favorite foods.

You also want to know how often you can go back through the line. Is it a
one-time, all-you-can-eat, pile-it-high kind of affair, or a bountiful
feast you can return to again and again?

The Buffet Line of Your Life
I’m probably not telling you anything new (unless you’ve never been to
a buffet). But you may not have realized that you can follow these same
principles with your time and energy to create a joyful, satisfying life.
Instead, so many of us do the opposite. We don’t assess the size of our
“plate” and take on more than we can chew. We load up on whatever comes
our way, with no room left for the things we really love. We gorge
ourselves on a plate that’s overflowing with mediocrity — resulting in
stress, frustration, and tummy aches.

So what to do? Let’s go back to the front of our proverbial buffet line,
and reassess what you have available and what you have to work with.

What Size is Your Plate?
Look carefully at your plate. You can think of its diameter as the total
amount of time you have at your disposal. This amount will vary depending
on your particular business or career, family life, financial state, social
commitments, etc. Whether small or large, the absolute limits of your free
time are critical to know before “filling your plate.”

Another dimension to your plate’s capacity is its depth. Is it shallow
and flat, or deep and curved? This is comparable to the amount of energy
you have. Your energy level is affected by many factors as well, such as
your genetic makeup, your age, your health, your outlook on life, to name a
few.

Note that there’s a relationship between your plate’s diameter and its
depth. You may have a lot of things competing for your time (small plate),
but you are strong and healthy and energetic (deep dish), so you may be
able to put a lot on your plate. Conversely, while you may not have many
commitments taking up your time, you may have physical or other challenges
that decrease how much you can realistically pile on.

Pick Out Your Favorite Items
Now that you understand your capacity, let’s move to what’s available
to you. Cruise through the buffet line of your life. What would you ideally
like to be spending more time on? What’s most important to you? Here’s
an enlightening exercise:

1. Take a piece of paper and make three separate columns.

2. In column A, list all the things you spend time and energy on in your
life. Be thorough. Don’t leave anything out.

3. In column B, rate how important each commitment is to you, on a scale
from one to ten.

4. In column C, rate how much of your time or energy you spend on that
item.

Pay attention to discrepancies between what you want to be doing and
what you are doing. These are clues to how you load yourself up and where
you might need to readjust.

One Time Through?
Once you’ve perused all the items on your life’s buffet, think about
which are routine or mundane, and which are “once-in-a-lifetime”
experiences. Are you missing your child’s milestone events to work late
yet again on an unsatisfying project? Or are you passing up a critical
promotion opportunity because you’d rather get together with your
friends? Ultimately, we only get so many trips through the “buffet
line,” so if you want to feel more content with your life overall,
deliberately choose those morsels that are most satisfying to you, both
during the meal and after it’s over.

Strategies for Success
This all sounds easy enough on paper or even in a buffet line, but what if
you’ve already overloaded your very small plate? The key is awareness,
commitment, and patience.

- Be aware of what you are saying yes to, all the time. Evaluate it
against your list of what you really want on your plate and see how well it
aligns. Say ‘no’ where you can. Even once.

- Be willing to commit to doing one thing each day (or week or month) that
shifts your plate from what you feel you have to be doing to what you want
to be doing. Delegate, automate, ask for help, remember to say no.

- Be patient with yourself. You might have a lifelong habit of rushing
through your buffet line, piling your plate high, and feeling obligated to
consume everything long after you have desire (or room) left.The wonderful
thing about a buffet is that, really, you’re in control. You may not be
able to command the size of your plate, but you can always choose what goes
on it.

So what will go on your plate today?

Wood. It’s a material so familiar we rarely give it any thought unless we actually do woodwork for a living or hobby. But wood is a fascinating substance. Natural, sturdy, resilient, absorbent, beautiful. Not unlike ourselves.

If you look closely at any piece of wood, you’ll see its personality in a unique grain pattern, like a fingerprint. Wood grain, like human personality, is an amalgam of that tree species’ growth pattern (like our own genes) and how it interacts with its environment over time (like our own life experiences).

The grain gives the wood beauty, strength, and character. We often choose a particular piece of wood furniture or sculpture solely on its pleasing grain pattern.

The funny thing is, while we select and treat wood to feature or highlight its grain, we so often deliberately cover up our own “grain.” It’s like taking a beautiful piece of wood and painting it.

How do we do this? By denying our true nature, our core values. By not being honest in our relationships. By letting important decisions be overly influenced by friends, fads, and fashions. All these behaviors are like sanding against our own grain.

For example, I’ve heard clients say, “I have a great job–respected company, power title, big salary, good benefits–yet I’m truly miserable. Why can’t I just appreciate what I have?” They assume that they need to change themselves, to conform to the job in order to be happy, instead of considering that the job might be going against their grain. It’s true that there will always be days when we’re happier with our job than other days, but if you consistently dread going to work, it’s time to check in with yourself.

We can cover up our true nature for a while but, as Dickens pointed out, the more we varnish ourselves up the more our grain will ultimately shine through. Unfortunately, the ensuing battle between covering up and expressing ourselves can leave us stressed, confused, burned out.

What’s the upside? By learning to go with your own grain, you regain time and energy spent trying to be something or someone you’re not. You are more productive, make better decisions, have more satisfying relationships, and carve a life that is uniquely yours and not dictated by others’ whims and wishes.

So what does it take to “go with your grain?” On the surface it seems like the most natural thing in the world. Unfortunately, we live in a society that seems to reward authentic expression in reality shows but often punishes it in reality. So, learning to express our true nature in real life takes both courage and patience. Here are some steps to get you started:

Know what really matters. Get clear about what’s important to you. Ask yourself what really matters in your life–what values, preferences, and desires you don’t want to live without. Is it Family? Money? Creativity? Spirituality? Independence? A Vacation Home in the Tropics?

Trust yourself. Don’t laugh, but once you come up with your list of core values, it’s very common to go back over it and decide why each one is wrong. A key step to showing up authentically is acknowledging and believing that what you want (assuming it doesn’t involve harming others) is perfectly OK.

Identify discrepancies. Now that you’re clearer about what’s most important, look around your life and see how it measures up. Is your job in alignment with who you are? Do the people you care about most know who you really are? Are you making a contribution where you’d like to? Are you having fun?

Pick a place to start. Identify one area where you can start showing up more authentically. It might be that you want to bring more of what you value into your job, or start looking for a job that aligns more fully with your values. It might be learning to express more of what you really want with your spouse or partner. It could be learning to say ‘no’ to people who don’t have your best interests in mind. Whatever you choose, go slowly. Trying to change too much at once is like putting a power sander to the grain. It will take off the varnish but may also leave a big dent!

Ask for help. As I mentioned, learning to go with your grain can take patience and courage. The road is much easier if you work with people who understand and appreciate your commitment to being the best you you can be. Ask close friends or family members to join you on an authenticity journey; join or create an authenticity support group; hire a coach; get spiritual guidance; network with like-minded people who can help you express yourself fully.

So…how do you want to show up in your life? All painted and varnished? Or displaying the natural beauty of your unique grain in everything you do?

What’s your first step to making that happen?

If you ask the average person today if they have balance in their life you’re likely to get a snort, a laugh, or a blank stare. Balance? Ha! That’s because few of us ever experience what balance feels like, or recognize the profound effect balance (or lack of it) has on our health, productivity, and overall happiness.

Balance means different things to different people, but lack of it has some universal effects. Think about when your car tires get out of alignment: certain areas wear faster than others, and the tires become weak, threadbare, and sometimes blow out. When our lives get out of alignment, we get stressed, angry, sick, and despondent. Like your tires, extreme lack of balance also ends in blowout: job burnout, soured relationships, estranged children, health crises.

So how do you fit one more task (finding balance) into an already bloated schedule? Well, regaining balance is both very easy and very hard. Easy in that it requires nothing more than asking yourself where things are out of alignment, and listening to the answer. Deep inside, you already know where things are out of balance. The hard part is accepting the answer and taking action on it. We can get addicted to the high-speed wobble, or feel like we’ll somehow let the world down if we don’t keep up the frantic pace. The reality is, regaining balance leads to more time, energy, vitality, and enthusiasm. With all that, you won’t let anyone down!

Here are a few ways to inch your way back into balance:

Know your priorities. And honor them. List your values in order of highest priority, then live your life accordingly. If you say your top values are family, health, and community, staying late at the office every night, eating fast food, and driving like a maniac will quickly put you out of balance with your values.

Be state aware. Check in with your physical, mental, and emotional state regularly. Pain or discomfort in any area indicates that something is out of balance.

“Yes” also means “No.” When you say “yes” to one thing, recognize what you’re also saying “no” to. Volunteering on yet another committee means less time to work on your house, play with your children, or read a novel in your hammock. Go back to your priorities to confirm where your “yes-es” should cluster.

Schedule downtime, every day. I know this sounds like asking the impossible. However, scheduling just 30-45 minutes of quiet, nourishing, YOU time daily will more than make up for itself in renewed energy for tackling everyone else’s needs the rest of the day.

Ask for help. It’s all the rage to be superhuman these days, juggling career, family, hobbies, and social networks single-handedly. It’s also unrealistic and unnecessary. Not only does asking for help move you back into balance, you’ll forge stronger bonds with loved ones as you allow them to see your human side!

Ride the wave. Sometimes life just hits you sideways, despite every effort to maintain balance. When that happens, think of yourself riding a wave. Relax, take a few deep breaths, and imagine floating on top of the wave as it passes, instead of getting sucked under it. Because it will pass. It always does.

Staying in alignment requires both awareness and practice. But if you pay attention to balance, you’ll find that:

1. You have a clearer sense of the real priorities in your life.
2. You give yourself permission to let go of the things that don’t serve you.
3. You have more time and energy to do the things you want to do.
4. You’re more available for everyone and everything around you.
5. You have more fun!

So, what’s your first step for getting back into balance?

Quick! What was the best thing that happened to you yesterday? What made that day worthwhile?

Uh…

If you’re like me (and probably most people) you might have trouble coming up with anything off the top of your head. That’s because, unless you’re already leading a rare and extraordinary life, one day tends to run into the other. Your days then turn into weeks turn into months into years until you find yourself saying, “Is it April already? Can you believe Y2K was five years ago??”

So how do we slow this whole time thing down and live each day to the fullest? One popular method is to “be here now.” Savor the moment, be conscious, that sort of thing.

Personally, I find it hard to remain present just for the sake of it. It takes discipline and, like all things requiring discipline, has the potential to become yet another source of anxiety.

Instead, why not make it fun?

Try this: when you wake up in the morning (or the night before if you’re a planner) create a “theme” for the day. Look for opportunities throughout the day to manifest that theme. It becomes both a game and a source of inspiration as you begin to realize that you are creating your own daily experience, without changing anything about your environment or activities. What changes is how you observe and influence your actions and responses.

A daily theme should be something that is enjoyable yet personally meaningful. Here are some examples:

• Today is about… humor. I will deliberately look for things I see/hear/read throughout the day that make me smile or laugh.
• Today is about…patience. I will experiment with responding rationally to irrational requests by my supervisor or spouse, or find interesting things to look at or think about while waiting in line.
• Today is about…connecting. I will give 100 percent of my attention and energy to each encounter – with clients, co-workers, family, friends, strangers – and notice how they respond.

The trick is to make this fun. Consider it a treasure hunt. Now that you’re looking for them, opportunities to find or create elements in your theme will show up again and again. You’ll get hooked and want to look for more.

Then before you go to sleep, think back over the day. It will be a lot easier to catalog what happened, what you did, how you felt. You’ll find that you’ve lived a much slower, richer day, just by framing how to think and act within it.

What is tomorrow’s theme going to be?