For each of us, there inevitably come events that break free from the ordinary context of our life. Recently, I experienced such an event, as I helped my father through to the end of his life.
This event was extraordinary in a number of ways. It obliged me to face mortality head on; it also showed me the depth of compassion in his caregivers. I found I can handle much more than I thought possible; and, perhaps most importantly, it showed me that how I frame my experiences makes all the difference in the world.
My husband and I were there the last few hours before my father died. We played his favorite music, and held his hand. We said our goodbyes; told him his affairs were in good hands. In short, we gave him permission to let go, knowing that all he had come to know and love about this world would continue in our stewardship. I felt we had done right by him, and there was great comfort in this.
As I moved away from this extraordinary event and back into my “ordinary life,” I brought with me the understanding that everything in our life has the potential to be extraordinary—it’s all in how we frame it.
If you’ve ever framed a print or painting, you’ve seen the amazing transformation that happens as it’s set against different colors, textures, and patterns of matte and frame. The interplay of these elements has potential to illuminate, overpower, or clash with the artwork.
Such is the case with how we experience major events in our life. Our attitudes and actions, much like the matte and frame, give context to these events—enhancing or diminishing them. Changing a job, starting a relationship, buying a home, sending a child off to college, facing the illness or death of a loved one. Each of these events is an experience unique to each of us, a one-of-a-kind work of art. It’s up to us to choose how we frame this masterpiece.
Do we slap it up against the backdrop of our life, carelessly tacked up with tape like a teenager’s poster? Do we stuff it in a closet because it’s “not our style?” Or do we handle it with care, treating it with honor and deliberation? By framing our major life events with conscious awareness, we:
- guard against being swept away by emotions that increase our stress;
- experience a greater sense of control over the situation;
- stay open to opportunities and blessings, even the most difficult situations;
- free up our minds and hearts for better decision-making; and
- create memories we can look back at with satisfaction, even joy.
Just as each of us has unique taste in artwork, so we will each frame our experiences in a different way. Here are some ideas for creating more meaning, regardless of the nature of the event or decision:
Recognize the masterpiece. This sounds simple, but just acknowledging the significance of the situation helps you make the most of your resources as you move through it.
Look ahead, then look back. Imagine that it is six months, one year, or five years from now. How do you want to see this, when all is said and done? How do you want the world to see how you handled the situation?
Call for backup. This is the time to make use of those people in your network. Not only can these people help you through a difficult time, they can be a part of what makes this experience meaningful—the reinforcement of love and friendship.
Search for the gems. Even through the pain of losing my father, there were small, beautiful moments I cherished over the past few months. Watching him enjoy Christmas lights, drinking hot chocolate, feeding treats to his dogs. Major life events bring these gems into sharp relief—when we zoom in and frame them as special.
Capture the meaning. Create a symbol, icon, or ritual that represents the importance and meaning of the event or decision. I received the gift of a little hula doll that now represents how much my parents loved going to Hawaii each year. It captures both the joy they had in their lives, and the sadness I feel in their absence.
Go easy on yourself. No matter what the process—know you won’t do it perfectly. Forgive yourself for that botched interview question; the petty argument with your kid as they move away to college; the one thing you should have said or done differently before losing someone close to you. What’s most important is that you were there, doing the best you could in that moment.
Capture the lessons. Another important part of the framing is asking yourself: what have I learned? What will I do differently next time? How has this made me a better person? Asking these questions helps you assimilate the growth and prepares you for life’s next major work of art!
No matter who you are, where you are, or what you’ve been through, it is these experiences, these pieces of art, that collectively make up our life. Choose today to frame those experiences with care and deliberation—so that in your old age you look back upon a gallery of masterpieces.
How do you want to frame your job change—will it be a harrowing experience or a meaningful transition into a wonderful new phase? Call me today at 503.244.7478 or email sue@selfmadeself.com for a complimentary, 30-minute sample coaching session that explores how you can turn your career transition into a masterpiece.
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Copyright © 2007 Self Made Self - Sue Brundege. All rights reserved.